It Will Never Be Decided

Dementia

A very sad disease, where the sufferer loses memories and finally may not know those they have spent their whole lives with. My sister in law has dementia and recently it took a sudden turn for the worse, where she was not getting up until maybe 5.30pm and not eating. I had always said that she could come and live with us but she has resisted it over the years.

Move Closer

We have previously suggested she could move closer to us, buy a house in our town but no, she "hated our town". It never had anything she wanted, it was too cold, the wind blew too hard and there were too many trees dropping too many leaves in Autumn! As they say. "Any excuse is better than none".

Can't Live Alone

If she had moved nearer to us earlier, it is possible she would not have deteriorated so quickly but now, she is no longer able to live alone but does not accept this. She has come down to stay with us "for a couple of days" and "to help out". She keeps saying she must go home to check on her house but she no longer has any concept of time passing. She remembers that she always had a hair appointment on a Friday but has not gone out for several weeks now and would be unable to make the journey to the city, even if the hairdresser would take her back but she cannot accept this. All logic has gone, she accepts when you say she has not been to the hairdresser for several weeks. She says herself that she has been unable to contact her on the phone (she has not used the phone), yet she still insists she will go in to see the hairdresser.

Certainty

Currently she shares my bed and my husband is sleeping in another room. He would like to know if she is going to stay permanently because if so, we will change things round so she has her own room and some of her own stuff. But I don't think there will ever be certainty. She is down "for a few days", she could suddenly decide to go home. I am not her guardian and have no right to stop her leaving if she wants.

Reassurance

The best way to keep her here seems to be to remind her it's very lonely up where she lives (true), that she is with family and has company down here and that she is WANTED. She does not wish to be where she is not wanted, so by giving her the reassurance that she is wanted and that her being here helps me, she is staying at present. For the future? Who knows?

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