Anxiety & Stress - The silent killers
I stopped seeing my doctor recently. Too much anxiety and stress for me to deal with all of it.
It has become harder each day to watch the news reports about the US government shutdown and the Border Wall issue that has resulted in a stalemate of dyer proportions with over 800,000 US government employees out of work or working without pay, to feed their families, pay their mortgages and take care of their health care costs. Stress and anxiety have caused me personally to develop an ulcer. Or if it isn't an ulcer the acid reflux or GERD has become worse. I find it almost impossible to wake up every morning with a positive attitude as I was recently told that I might not only have OCD but have probably had it along with Bipolar 1 disorder my entire life.
The many daily distractions on television news about the government shutdown lasting longer than normal and the MSNBC reports on YouTube about the Mueller Investigation over alleged wrong doings from the POTUS along with the hours I spend watching end times reports from several YouTube Vloggers that I wonder just how people are able to deal with the flood of information on a day to day basis.
I wonder how stress and anxiety may take their toll on my personal health.
When my wife watches This Week or Meet The Press on Sundays, I can barely get a word in edgewise. She is asking me now to come watch This Week With George and I guess I have to leave this article at the moment and pick up later where I left off afterward.
Now that I'm back, a few hours later, I want to add this link to an article I am reading about OCD & Bipolar Disorder from VeryWellMind.com
It is not easy living in this age of high anxiety but at the same time it is even harder living with an inherited condition such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder along with Bipolar Disorder.
Over the years I have been dealing with mood swings and obsessing on something that I can never really stop thinking about.
If I go to the supermarket, I sometimes, out of compulsion, straighten up the items on shelves in the store while my wife is shopping. I have been doing this for a while. I once worked at a grocery store and when I did work at Kroger I was instructed to CONDITION or ZONE the items, so I guess that sort of thing stuck with me all these years. I had to do Go Backs a lot when at Kroger, as part of my job duties.
Items that appear out of place, even now, make me feel uneasy. I remember going into a local Dollar Tree store near that Kroger I once worked at back in the day. The local Dollar Tree store is totally unorganized, to the point that it actually makes me nervous to be in that store.
I look around in that store lately and feel like I am in a chaotic place and it really does make me feel like leaving as soon as I go in there as items are all in the wrong places, and worse than that, people bring their children to shop and the children are seldom well behaved as items are picked up and thrown on the floor and the lipstick and makeup section has millions of marks of colored lipstick like graffiti art all over the display signs. I may be a bit critical but when we go shopping at a Target store, just about 12 miles away, near the edge of our city, that store is well managed, organized and everything clean and in their proper places. Shelves properly aligned, clean floors, well dressed people shopping and the clerks as well. So there seems to be a real big difference in the way both stores are managed and it really shows in the way it all looks to me. I feel calm when shopping in a store that is clean, attractive and organized with polite people, well dressed and it actually is enjoyable, but still I can not remain in that store, even Target, for too long. My wife likes to browse more than I do and at some point I want to go grab a coffee and sit at a table or take it outside to the car and wait because I have a limit to how long I can linger inside a retail store.
When there is trash on the ground, anywhere, I can't stand looking at it. I think at all the times I was told to pick up the trash at Kroger, empty the trash cans and mop the back warehouse floor and clean out the bathrooms, that I get angry and sometimes I will pick up paper trash that is in a store lobby and place it in the trash can, then go wash my hands thoroughly afterward. I even can't stand looking at the parking lot of a store, like Kroger if there are lose shopping carts all around in the middle of the parking lot. I have even taken it upon myself to help some of the courtesy clerks put back some of the carts just to stay busy while my wife shops. They know me when I show up at the Kroger, because I am the one who is picking up trash in the lobby, bringing in shopping carts with the other clerks and they don't seem to mind it at all. I guess it's my OCD Disorder that makes me motivated to do this type of thing and I wonder if anyone else has this type of situation. I never really stopped to analyze it.
They want to give me medications for my OCD and my anxiety and panic disorders along with mood swings, but I have a greater fear of what those drugs' side effects would be, after I had to quit taking Lithium as my Creatinine level was elevated when the head doctor had me taken off Lithium because my kidney function had been compromised. And due to a calcium level increase in a recent blood lab test a year ago one doctor suggested I be tested for diabetes insipitus or whatever the name of that condition. I have since then stopped drinking as much coffee, stopped drinking carbonated beverages, do not even have any beer. I try to not even have sugar. The thing is, I would rather try everything that is necessary to not hurt my kidneys or pancreas or liver by staying away from alcoholic beverages, carbonated sweet drinks, and sugary foods, just because I can see that the alternative would be pretty bad for me at my age. I am 61 years old now and my older brother and my father both developed onset diabetes in their 50s. I have not developed diabetes but the fact is, I know it is in my genes to perhaps be likely to get it later on in the next several years of my life.
If only I could find ways to minimize anxiety and stress, but I would have to move to planet Mars to get away from the modern world of high stress and instant gratification that this society has devolved into. I guess I need to learn to relax. You know? It isn't easy living in this day and age. I can see stress in people's tones of voice, facial expressions and body language. It is often that I find it calming to just talk to people and listen carefully to them. I know I am not the only one living with anxiety and stress during these times so as I continue on social networks online, I interact with other people and find that they, most of them, all have similar worries, fears and when I read their stories on writing sites and listen to them on YouTube vlogs I find that most people, are pretty much the same all over the planet. We are all living a life that is much easier than our parents and grandparents as far as getting things and transacting business as usual but on the other side of the coin, most people, like myself have some sort of stress and anxiety condition and another thing, I watch Dr. Phil on daytime television and he always has people who have problems on his shows and I can see that people all over have problems, and it's not just me.
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