By in Humor

Your Phone Answering Machine - Don't Do This...

Well, there are so many phony telephone calls these days, I couldn't help but think of some messages I'd be tempted to put on an answering machine if I had one. But, well, really, don't do this. It's good for a laugh, but that's about all...

1. You've reached the so-and-so residence. We regret we're not here at the moment. However, your call is important to us. Please wait for our next available line.

2. We're sorry, we're not here. Your call will be transferred to the Microsoft Home Computer foreign representative, in 60 seconds.

3. Hi! Your call has been identified as a scam and has been forwarded to the offices of the Central Intelligence Agency.

Image Credit » Pixabay

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lookatdesktop wrote on May 28, 2018, 4:11 PM

Good ones. I have actually owned a dual audio cassette answering machine. The outgoing message tape is a looped tape that goes on forever and repeats the same message I record to it, and the other cassette is double sided and 90 minutes. It saves all recorded incoming called messages and I managed to save several and sometimes play them back to hear what other people's messages were left on the tapes. I once left an outgoing message to incoming callers: "AT THE SOUND OF THE TONE, I WANT YOU TO LEAVE - - - - - PAUSE- - - - - YOUR MESSAGE, AND SOMEONE WILL GET BACK TO YOU AT THEIR EARLIEST POSSIBLE CONVENIENCE." - end of message. Along with the message, sounding like At the sound of the tone, I want you to leave!
And I incorporated a jazzy tune of musical overtures to the mix. It was funny because one day my employer called and the next day at work he told me he had a good laugh. Well, It was fun.

Last Edited: May 28, 2018, 4:13 PM

MegL wrote on May 28, 2018, 6:47 PM

I got so fed up with continual marketing phone calls that I installed British Telecom's "Call protect". Any numbers I identify as spam are no longer able to call us. Any calls go to the junk phone answer machine! I also contacted British Telecom about email not getting through and was so disgusted at the standard of English used in their reply to me I wrote a strongly worded complaint in response. I haven't heard back from them yet!

VinceSummers wrote on May 28, 2018, 7:53 PM

Remind me to watch my p's and q's when I message you! Hahaha.

MegL wrote on May 29, 2018, 1:44 AM

LOL, anyone can make a mistake, including me! But when you write to tell your email provider that not all email is getting through to you and someone wrote to you to say that they got a message your email did not exist and the provider then turns the complaint around to think that YOU are trying to send bulk emails, it's ridiculous! The standard of English was also poor.
I got caught out being careless the other day. I wrote a long sentence with a number of points in it but failed to either put in a comma or to clarify who I was speaking about, so it appeared that I said the cleaner got locked in the dormitory, rather than the pupils. My sister, who is a proof reader pulled me up on that very quickly!

Kasman wrote on May 29, 2018, 6:36 PM

I like your number 3 except that I would direct the call to GCHQ which is the UK government listening post for intelligence services: