after over 20 years of being Biplar, now I am told by a person of some education that I might in fact be Obessive Compulsive with Attention Deficit. So? I am only human, right?
I wanted to just get up and leave yesterday. I have to listen to their assessments as they put labels on just about everything I say or don't say. I have been taking treatment for Bipolar One, Mixed, with Rapid Cycling for 2 decades and now I am told I might NOT HAVE IT? Well, that is a fine thing for me to have to deal with.
If only I had never been admitted those many years ago? If only I had not been placed inside a box with a label on it!
I would probably still have my ups and downs. But give me a break. It is much more likely that I have Bipolar because my uncle had it, along with adult onset dementia that took his life after forgetting all that life had taught him since he was first told he had Bipolar Disorder, and my two brothers were also told they have Bipolar so if I sound like a broken record, well, I maintain that I have had many episodes of both extreme mood swings and profound highs and lows but also I have a sense in my own mind that I have some degree of both racing thoughts, obsessive thinking and dwelling on things for long periods of time and I tend to not be able to concentrate long enough to finish a book I start to write and the same can be said for the books I start reading but can not, under most situations, finish like any other reader so I insist that I in fact have both Bipolar Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive as well as Adult Attention Deficit Disorder and basically I am angry about the whole crap shoot. God. I wish I could just lay in the sun and drink cold tea and listen to the wind blow up in the trees and forget about labels, stigmas, and all that psychiatric small talk.
I feel like a Shakespeare in a Gumby play. That is my KARMA and it puts me somewhere between the profound and the ridiculous all at the same time.