By in Personal

after over 20 years of being Biplar, now I am told by a person of some education that I might in fact be Obessive Compulsive with Attention Deficit. So? I am only human, right?

I wanted to just get up and leave yesterday. I have to listen to their assessments as they put labels on just about everything I say or don't say. I have been taking treatment for Bipolar One, Mixed, with Rapid Cycling for 2 decades and now I am told I might NOT HAVE IT? Well, that is a fine thing for me to have to deal with.

If only I had never been admitted those many years ago? If only I had not been placed inside a box with a label on it!

I would probably still have my ups and downs. But give me a break. It is much more likely that I have Bipolar because my uncle had it, along with adult onset dementia that took his life after forgetting all that life had taught him since he was first told he had Bipolar Disorder, and my two brothers were also told they have Bipolar so if I sound like a broken record, well, I maintain that I have had many episodes of both extreme mood swings and profound highs and lows but also I have a sense in my own mind that I have some degree of both racing thoughts, obsessive thinking and dwelling on things for long periods of time and I tend to not be able to concentrate long enough to finish a book I start to write and the same can be said for the books I start reading but can not, under most situations, finish like any other reader so I insist that I in fact have both Bipolar Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive as well as Adult Attention Deficit Disorder and basically I am angry about the whole crap shoot. God. I wish I could just lay in the sun and drink cold tea and listen to the wind blow up in the trees and forget about labels, stigmas, and all that psychiatric small talk.

I feel like a Shakespeare in a Gumby play. That is my KARMA and it puts me somewhere between the profound and the ridiculous all at the same time.

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VinceSummers wrote on January 10, 2018, 7:48 AM

Hah. It just shows to go ya. All the mumbo jumbo is just more of the same. Jargon, jive, naming by those claiming to be in the know who later proceed to change their minds with equal certitude. I gave up labels. No loss there! Keep in mind also, terms like bipolar and manic depressive didn't exist a relatively short time ago, when suddenly, they did come into existence. No self-respecting psychiatrist could then say he failed to have a patient suffering those things, now could he? To some extent, at least, such things (and yes, multiple personality as well) become fads - the latest thing. You simply MUST have one among you clientele, doctor!

MegL wrote on January 10, 2018, 11:37 AM

What's stopping you doing: "I wish I could just lay in the sun and drink cold tea and listen to the wind blow up in the trees and forget about labels, stigmas, and all that psychiatric small talk."? Just do it. Forget the labels. The labels are not the person. You are you. If you can't finish reading or writing a book, so what? I used to read 10 books a week, now I don't read any, so what? We change as we get older and do different things. We are still the same person inside and other people's labels are just that - other people's. It hasn't stopped you contributing to PersonaPaper and writing on other sites!

lookatdesktop wrote on January 10, 2018, 8:59 PM

That is true. I have not let myself be told by anyone I can't write and I do so willingly and it is one thing I will not stop doing because it is something I get a great deal of personal satisfaction from doing. Thank you. I appreciate your comment.

lookatdesktop wrote on January 10, 2018, 9:02 PM

They told me to come back at the end of this week to get the results of a sleep study for sleep apnea, so I am basically concerned if I will actually get satisfaction that is, actually obtain a CPAP machine so I can get this situation with sleep issues behind me. If they ask me to take another study I will become angry and may not be so willing to go through another night of wires and not getting any sleep in the process! They don't even have a record of the sleep study done on me 20 some odd years ago at the hospital so that is why they had to do things as if for the very first time;. I feel like an experimental subject at that hospital in more ways than I can count.