By in Family

Someone wants to move in with us and there is simply no room and we value our privacy.

My stepson is interested in becoming involved with a much younger woman and she insists on wanting to move in with us but we do not want him or her or both to move in because we do not want or need extra people living in our small home.

It is sad because by telling him we can not live with 4 people or more in the house but value our privacy too much, made him angry and he hung up on his mother over the phone because she and I told him that, in spite of her being in a rehab and him getting over drinking and going to AA meetings, it would be impossible to live with 2 extra adults, rather, a second couple, a generation apart from us to come to Dallas for the sole purpose of TAKING CARE OF US. as We don't need taking care of.

I could not and my wife could not tolerate having to live in our small house with the stepson and his new girl friend living with us. So because of this, he told us, If I can't and my wife can't accept her he will have nothing more to do with either of us and hung up on his mother, my wife, out of anger. But is that really fair?

I am glad he is making good money now as a long haul truck driver and getting off on weekends to be with his girl friend and so forth. But We also have a life and it doesn't include being crowded in our home with her and possibly her two young kids, living in our house at our age. I am 60 and my wife and I both are pretty settled into a lifestyle that would be very unpleasant to have to deal with the needs of two small children and a wife who has no job and who would be home without her boyfriend, even possibly looking toward marriage in the near future, as their expectations, habits, way of life would intrude and conflict with our way of life so it is in our best interest to let them know how we feel about them hanging out with us. I mean, It may sound like we don't care but we actually do but at a distance. They need to live their lives and let us live ours and it would disrupt our life style if we were to accept their living in our home even for a short time.

What is your opinion of this? Would you want to share your life in a two bedroom house, with two other adults who might also have a few children, all under one roof? If it's going to be like this, to be told he don't want anything more to do with us, isn't that basically selfish of him to give us such an ultimatum? He basically said, if we don't accept her we don't accept him and he wants to write us off. Well, sounds like he already has made up his mind. Why can't he and her just live in their own little house and just visit us on occasion . I mean, get real. It's not like we share anything in common. We are older than they are by over 20 years and we are adjusted to living together as a married couple. I am not willing to give up my privacy and life style to accommodate having other people living in our environment such as it is. Besides. It is more her idea than his. She seems to think that after a year more of rehabilitation from drug abuse that she will actually just stop and turn over a new leaf?

Well, fine, but not at our expense. I like living with my wife on our own terms, not being essentially guardians of my wife's son's step children. Give me a break.

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MegL wrote on December 26, 2017, 6:36 AM

KEEP THEM OUT. You are quite right to keep them away. If they have their own house, they have a roof over their heads. He is blackmailing his mother. That is a sign of not being fully recovered. You do not need it.

lookatdesktop wrote on December 26, 2017, 11:10 AM

Thank you. I will follow your good advice. I appreciate this. I was terribly concerned over this matter and had to find someone to tell about it because I was feeling pretty bad about the situation. Yes, He needs to find a way to support himself and her, throughout her rehabilitation process, and if her children are awarded to her by the courts after she completes her remaining 1 and a half years of rehabilitation for drug addiction, they can manage pretty well on their own on a 1000.00 dollar a month salary in Georgia, and besides, his girlfriend has her parents there and also he has his children by his wife that he has not yet divorced. The legal issues will be hell for him to deal with if he marries the girl friend without first divorcing from his first wife, who he has 5 children by, 2 of which are school age and the others fully grown and living out on their own. I pray he makes the right decisions. The one thing I am hopeful is, he is getting counseling with his alcohol addiction and hopefully he will kick the drinking habit. My wife is in very bad health. Any kind of mental stress might actually threaten her very life as her heart is not as healthy as it can be and her doctor told her to avoid stress, and she can not even walk without support by a walker or use a mobile electric cart when we are out shopping. I love her too much to let her be burdened by this. If not for these immediate concerns I would be writing a lot here at persona paper. I hope to come up with some new short stories to add in the very near future. Happy New Year and Merry Christmas MegL

MegL wrote on December 26, 2017, 12:26 PM

Happy New Year to you too, Anthony and good health to both of you (and peace and quiet!)

Kasman wrote on December 26, 2017, 6:09 PM

With an ultimatum like that you're probably better off without him - and her!

AsADrivenLeaf wrote on December 27, 2017, 7:24 AM

Your stepson and his druggie girlfried on rehab are no longer under your care. They must find jobs, be hardworking responsible citizens, save up and pay their way to keeping a home protecting and providing for their children. You and your wife can only stand by them and help them with practical needs they are not able to provide. Would you be able to help a bit with rent as they live separately from you, near your place?

lookatdesktop wrote on December 27, 2017, 2:11 PM

He is earning approx. 1000 dollars a week. We are on a very limited income. I can always be available for advice and such but not financially. we barely make it on our own income.

VinceSummers wrote on January 16, 2018, 8:46 AM

I am not attempting to put upon you my standard on this matter, Anthony, but I am happy to give you a little extra weaponry should you desire to use it. If a man lives conjugally with a woman without the benefit of marriage, Scripturally, he is committing immorality. And if a couple living in this way is invited under your roof, the principle of headship applies. You may not feel comfortable with that.