It's about time for me to take a long look at my life.
After being tested after 20 years of being diagnosed with both OSA and CSA I have to look ahead at the day when I finally get a new CPAP or APAP or BIPAP machine. I am alive still, in spite of not having a nasal CPAP machine since sometime back in September of this year. One test did not manage to conclude the exact measure of pressure I need to sleep properly and breath properly.
I only know that.
A. My old CPAP machine is not working any more.
B. It has been about 4 months since I had a working CPAP machine to help me sleep.
C. They told me that I stopped breathing up to 45 times in a single hour during an overnight sleep study.
D. They told me I have SEVERE SLEEP APNEA and I have to wait until next month, sometime, to go to see a doctor in that same department at that same clinic just to find out if ...
1. If I qualify for insurance purposes, to purchase some type of either, CPAP or APAP machine, A stands for Automatic Continuous Positive Air Pressure. All I know for sure is, the blood pressure I have is most likely a result of my sleep apnea. My central as well as obstructive sleep apnea together in combination make me at high risk for dying in my sleep between now and the day I might or might not get my machine. And to top it all off, I may be asked or perhaps required, to take another sleep study session just to make sure they get the pressure settings right.
Meantime I go to sleep at night, thinking ... well, most people think that the best way to die is to just go to sleep and not wake up. Let me be honest. It may sound like the way to go, but I am mortally terrified of the idea.
Imagine if you had to go to sleep each night, wondering, if this will be the last night. Do I pray more these days? You bet I do. My life is literally in God's merciful hands.
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