There Is Only One More Life Preserver
There was a time when I gave up my "self" for others. I came from a place in my life, as many do, where I felt like the underdog, and I would "never do to others" what I saw so many go through in life.
Of course, I was out to "save the world." I felt that, if I could just show someone who has been dealt some bad blows in life that there was someone who would love them, in spite of themselves, they would see that, change, and be a better person. Then we could live in some sort of happily-ever-existence and life would be good.
Unfortunately, it did not happen that way. It rarely does.
I threw many a life preserver from my position in the boat over the years. One day, when my boat started sinking, I had no life vest to save myself.
I admit that I blamed others for my not having a life vest for myself. It was not until I realized that I had to take responsibility for my having given them all out to others and that I had to learn how to swim that I began to understand life.
I had to choose to save myself first, and that others had to do the same. I could not save everyone else on that boat.
Once I began to do things differently, my life began to change. I could not have it all, and t here was a lot of pain that went along with making decisions to eliminate the behaviors and associations that seemed to drag me down.
I needed to learn to save myself. I often made similar decisions over again, though it did not take me as long the next time to learn.
I often wonder how I got through those darkest of days. Even today, I have to remind myself not to jump so quickly without careful consideration.
It is one of the reasons that I have become much more analytical today, looking at all the sides of life. At times, it has kept me out of some precarious situations, even though my heart has tried yanking me in the opposite direction.
I wonder if we ever really change, or if we simply learn how to manage our lives better. That is probably the question that I am most anxious to hear the answer to when it is my turn to pass to the other side.
© 2016 Coral Levang
Image Credit » https://pixabay.com/en/males-lifebelt-support-1002779/ by Fotomek