Finding the fun without the Cancer
I have spent some time today going through some things that I wrote the year after I was diagnosed with stage 4 Carcinoid Cancer. I find it interesting to see how drastically my attitude and fears have changed, as I continue to live and have fun.
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May 26, 2013
This last year I have done many things, but have put "fun" on the back burner. I've kept myself busy by working, writing, and making medical appointments.
That's what you do when you are given a diagnosis that starts with "Stage IV" and ends with "Cancer."
Oh, I have certainly had fun with people that are in my life, but I have also found that it comes with some of them holding back or holding me back. There are assumptions made by what people think we "poor cancer victims" should or should not do.
Quite honestly, I hate the labels. Cancer patient. Cancer survivor. Even the "zebra" label of those of us with carcinoid/neuroendocrine cancers.
Blech. I find them all distasteful.
I'm really no different than I was B.C.--before cancer. In fact, the irony in all of it is that I likely have had this stupid disease for 20 years or more. Nobody knew it. Now, those that know of the diagnosis that have known me for awhile, look at me with pity.
Perhaps, it's that they don't know how they are going to deal with it, when this finally takes me. So, they don't share what's going on in their lives. They hesitate to tell me anything. They don't call or have time to spend with me. They get freaked out when they have to think about it. They jump into their work, hobbies and life issues.
I suppose they aren't much different than I am.
Yet, I'm grateful to the select few in my life who do not treat me any differently than before, who keep me laughing and are hell-bent on getting me out of the house to kick my butt out of the isolation to have some fun.
I still think I need to find ways to have more fun. Find some new people who have no knowledge that I have this cancer. Where I can just be me. Perhaps, I will be invited to more parties. Be the life of the party. I certainly do not want to attend anyone's PITY parties. Nor will I host one.
Time for me to figure out how to meet people who will just let me have fun with them. People who don't know...
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Image Credit » https://pixabay.com/en/kermit-frog-snow-ball-throw-snow-601712/ by LoggaWiggler