Hard Past Few Months
As some of you who have read my posts back during the summer know, I had a rough patch with a guy who randomly stopped all communication with me because he was scared of how serious everything was getting. I still struggle with it, even though I have tried to move on but I guess you can't force yourself to forget someone because the heart wants what the heart wants.
I also don't recall if I mentioned this, but my grandmother on my mother's side passed away in July. Then in September my aunt (also on my mother's side and has been in hospice for the past few months) also died. Then today my mom just called me and told me my grandfather had died. Now, I am someone who has never dealt with people I know dying. The only person in my family who has died was my grandfather on my dad's side but that was when I was at the age of 1 or 2 so I don't remember him.
I am also someone who doesn't like to share what is going on in my life with friends, especially if it's deep like death, because what do you say to someone who tells you a family member of theres had died? I don't want others around me being sad for me.
But when I got the call I found it odd. For my mom had predicted that my grandfather would die since death seems to come in pairs when it comes to elderly married couples, which makes me wonder if there is such a thing of dying from a broken heart. I always thought it was a made up thing, but now I don't know.
I also feel terrible about it all because I have barely shed a tear over their deaths, but I know that they lived long, great lives and that they are no longer suffering. Overall, I feel more sadness for my mother who has lost half her immediate family (a sister and both her parents) all in a matter of 4 months.
On top of all that, I also had to give my cat away to my friends for a couple months until I graduate and then I'll have no idea what I'll be doing with my life. I'll say goodbye to all that I've come to know these past four years, such as friends and places. I'm just getting really tired of losing people and things. Out of all the times for things to fall apart, it turns out to be when I'm about to be completely on my own. I guess life is cutting ties for me, with both family and friends (the friends happening when I leave in a couple months and probably not seeing most of them ever again).