By in Personal

Support Without Judgment

It is just past noon, and this will likely be my one of my last posts for the day. Between now and the weekend, I will be doing what I can to assist RGD in this leg of another journey requiring surgery. There is some question as to what will be next, but I am trying to be there as a reminder to keep taking one step at a time.

The help I offer is not to tell him what to do, how to think, or where he should take this. It is simply to be there to encourage him to look at the options, and trust that whatever his choice, I will care for him, as we have all been instructed.

We show others our hearts by our words, and our actions. Let us always remember that in how we support those we want to influence. We can get pretty mixed up when we feel it necessary to be "right," rather than to show love. Let us make sure that we understand that difference.

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Copyright © 2015 Coral Levang

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MegL wrote on September 23, 2015, 3:52 PM

Yes, we do not need to be right, just to be there.

Feisty56 wrote on September 23, 2015, 4:30 PM

Truer words have not been spoken, and certainly not with such quiet eloquence. For much of my life, I thought what I wanted was for people to like me. It has only been recently that I've determined that what I truly desire, instead, is acceptance. RGD and others who have the benefit of your care and concern are fortunate people in that they have your acceptance and all that comes with it. My thoughts and prayers will be with RGD that the best possible outcomes for him are what will happen.

Someday, when the pain has subsided enough to share, I'll explain how I learned the subtle but important difference between the desire to be liked versus that of acceptance. Take care, please.

CoralLevang wrote on September 23, 2015, 4:34 PM

Thank you, Feisty56 ... Perhaps, we can do that one over a cup of tea someday.

CoralLevang wrote on September 23, 2015, 4:35 PM

That is truth. Thank you, MegL

Feisty56 wrote on September 23, 2015, 5:16 PM

That would be lovely. I'll bring a supply of tissues. : )

wolfgirl569 wrote on September 23, 2015, 6:05 PM

I am sure you will do a great job of being what he needs at this time.

CoralLevang wrote on September 23, 2015, 6:08 PM

I always give him a choice: Nurse Ratched or me. emoticon :winking:

LoudMan wrote on September 23, 2015, 7:11 PM

There's gonna come a day you'll be so glad you did this.

DWDavisRSL wrote on September 23, 2015, 9:26 PM

Sometimes with our presence alone we are of greater help than all the doing in the world could accomplish.

wolfgirl569 wrote on September 23, 2015, 10:56 PM

Hummmm I am not sure, I am sure you can be tough if needed emoticon :smile:

CoralLevang wrote on September 24, 2015, 1:22 AM

wolfgirl569 It always kills me to be what some may see as a "b****"...I it hurts my heart to have others think that about me, as I do care too damned much about what others think, but I am getting over that. I will be as tough as nails, if needed. I have acquiesced in my lifetime too often, out of fear. Cannot do it anymore. I need to do what warriors do. I do what I believe is the right thing to do. It doesn't come without risk.

CoralLevang wrote on September 24, 2015, 1:25 AM

DWDavisRSL I truly understand fear in ways that many do not realize. Perhaps, it is not the same battle, but fear is the same. Knowing and trusting that someone has our back when we are vulnerable is the best help. I learned long ago that I don't always have to be the one to jump in and fix it. But, I am one who will, when necessary. I'm really a much better XO than CO, though capable of stepping up, if needed.

CoralLevang wrote on September 24, 2015, 1:25 AM

Who said I haven't been there yet? emoticon :winking:

Rufuszen wrote on September 24, 2015, 5:07 AM

Best wises for RGD

Paulie wrote on September 24, 2015, 5:47 AM

I think that support without judgement is about the same as unconditional love. My mother always had this and not many other people.

wolfgirl569 wrote on September 24, 2015, 10:06 AM

Sometimes life calls for being that b word. I live it and own when needed. Dont mind being one at all if that means that people know I can take care of myself and mine. To me that is when most people consider you one. You are one in that sense but that is the perfect way to be one. Dont ever let anyone make you feel bad for that. Being able to administer tough love is the hardest thing anyone can do and you need to own that proudly also. It is what will help your friend get through this and back on his feet. He will love you all the more for it also and then you can show your sweet side again that we all here have seen many times. I hope everything went great for him today. I will share a story sometime about something I had to do that broke my heart at the time, but now am very glad I did it.

butchiepoo wrote on September 25, 2015, 2:09 PM

God bless you for your kindness to RGD. I am certain he appreciates having you. I know when I went through 4 neck surgeries from 1996 to 2005 for the most part I was left to suffer on my own. I felt abandoned by those who were supposed to be my family and friends. It was a lonely time in my life. I can say with all honestly the only One who was always there for me was the Lord. If He hadn't of been in my life I would have checked out. RGD is very blessed to have you in his life. You are very special and kind hearted.

AliCanary wrote on September 26, 2015, 1:34 PM

Indeed, it's easy to get frustrated when someone is not doing what you think they "should", because you think that's best for them and that they are making a tragic mistake or not caring about themselves. But sometimes we need to make the journey ourselves to reach that same conclusion, and the best friends are patient with us.

CoralLevang wrote on September 26, 2015, 2:04 PM

Oh, your last statement is so true. *nods* Reminiscent of the "walk a mile in my shoes." I am grateful for those who have stuck around.