By in Spirituality

Learning to Surrender

Inspired by lexiconlover 's recent post this morning on playing victim vs.controlling oneself , and in light of what has played out in my family (see Life Has So Many Hurts ) , I have thought much about letting go. It is not an easy lesson for many of us to learn well.

It stems from our being a human. Others, too, are human beings, even though we may view them as sub-human, or alien.

There will always be someone or something that will wrong us. Others will purposefully connive with others as a way to hurt us deeply. Our own bodies will fail usk

We may feel the urge to explain and defend ourselves. Have the final word. Be heard. Retaliate.

At other times, we feel we must give up completely. Shut down. Walk away. End the pain.

Whether or not we behave in either of these sets of ways, each promotes an either/or solution. It leaves no other options. Only black or white. Wrong or right. Win or loss.

There is no in-between. There is no compromise. There is no co-existence.

Learning to let go is not about winning or losing. It is learning how to surrender the tight-hold we have on any situation, and on what we want to try to control in others.

When we begin to learn to find ways to co-exist with that which ails us, whether self-inflicted, doled out on us by others, or simply what we encounter from day-to-day, we find that we are able to see past the roles we choose as a victim.

We must learn to release the pain, and not kill the spirit of love for others, nor the influence we have to show kindness to others. We must learn how to live in spite of what we face, no matter what the struggle--others, illness, or ourselves.

We cannot give up. But we must learn to let go.

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© Copyright 2015- Coral Levang - All Rights Reserved.

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- #surrender -

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markgraham wrote on September 8, 2015, 1:19 PM

This is a way of using the phrase 'Tough Love'. Letting go as you say is not easy, but one must do what one must do.

CoralLevang wrote on September 8, 2015, 2:01 PM

Sometimes, the toughest of love is what we owe to ourselves.

Feisty56 wrote on September 8, 2015, 2:18 PM

There are two particular incidents/circumstances in my past that I continue to struggle with to get past. I recognize that my struggle isn't about other people or even the circumstances themselves, but something deep within myself. I won't give up on finding a way to make peace with these memories. I just haven't found the key yet.

CoralLevang wrote on September 8, 2015, 2:29 PM

Feisty56 I fully understand these types of struggles. Making peace is not as easy (for me) as just giving it over to some deity or (fill-in-the-blank). I think this is something with which I have struggled for nearly all the 60 years of my life. As you say, "deep within (self)."

If you do find the key, perhaps we can take it down for a copy. emoticon :winking:

MegL wrote on September 8, 2015, 2:34 PM

Yes, letting go is very important, so you do not get caught up with playing games that can hurt yourself and others.

Kasman wrote on September 8, 2015, 4:16 PM

I will never let go the resentment I feel towards certain people but I have learned to ignore it (most of the time)

CoralLevang wrote on September 8, 2015, 4:43 PM

Never truer words, " you do not get caught up with playing games..."
As far as others, I have no control over them, so if they continue to be hurt, that's no longer on me, once I have made my decisions to let go.
Letting go of the blame, when heaped on you, is not always as easy. emoticon :winking:

CoralLevang wrote on September 8, 2015, 4:43 PM

I understand...but I'm finding the resentment is beginning to wreck havoc with me lately.

MegL wrote on September 8, 2015, 5:31 PM

Kasman , I learned my lesson some years ago when driving a car. Every morning, I got caught up in the traffic jam that occurred where two lanes merged into one on the road to work. Each morning, I dutifully got into the left hand lane (this is the UK, we drive on the left) and drove slowly as the traffic crawled up to the point where it HAD to merge. There were always cars in the right hand lane waiting, as I saw it, to "jump the queue" - very unBritish! I would keep as close as possible to the car in front and do my best not to let these queue jumpers into the line, or at least, only one. If one or worse, two, managed to pull in front of me, I seethed all morning at having been beaten. And then I read something that said "You are allowing others to dictate your mood. They neither know, nor care what your mood is for the rest of the morning. You feeling grumpy is not affecting them in the least, only you yourself!" That pulled me up short. I was spoiling my own early morning, not anyone else. The difference between letting a car or two in or not was probably not even a second on my journey, while my mood was affecting me for a couple of hours. I was letting them spoil my morning, they were not even aware of it. Shortly afterwards, the road authority put up a sign saying "merge in turn". That did it. There was a lesson for me there CoralLevang and I became a lot more relaxed in my driving and had a happier morning.

Last Edited: September 8, 2015, 5:32 PM

bestwriter wrote on September 9, 2015, 2:10 AM

I just stay away if that is possible but will not hate whoever is a party to the situation that I want to stay away from.

Paulie wrote on September 9, 2015, 4:04 AM

I entirely agree that we must learn to let go. I think you might be interested in reading my post today about "Forgive and Forget."

LoudMan wrote on September 9, 2015, 1:40 PM

I don't believe in going to bed angry. I stay up and plot revenge, instead! 😆

There are a couple or three key events in my past (not involving my ex LOL) which I will never forgive or ever forget. And, should I ever get the chance, I will get revenge, even if they do not remember what they did.

I let go of a lot, anymore. But, sometimes, forgiveness is actually the greater evil. And, I don't care what any religious text has to say about it, either.

Last Edited: September 9, 2015, 1:41 PM

cheri wrote on September 10, 2015, 5:52 AM

Its not really easy and somehow when this happens to me, I am telling myself that this will pass

PriscillaKing wrote on September 13, 2015, 5:32 PM

Nice butterflies!