By in Parenting

About Stay-at-Home Mom Status

I never thought I wold just be a stay-at-home mom before my first child was born. I went to college, I started a career, I did move to the other side of the world when I was 25, but even here, I started a job that seemed that could have led to a career.

But I was open. I honestly didn't know how I would feel once I became a mother, so I left it all open. I was lucky enough to have a choice.

When I first held my baby in my arms I knew that if at all possible, I wanted to stay home with him. For the first time I considered being a stay-at-home mom. I did it with my first one, and with the other two after. I always felt good about my decision, although I had to defend it constantly. Being a stay-at-home mom you become a nobody, it seemed. I was perfectly fine with that. I didn't need to be "somebody", I was a mom. It was enough, it was the best thing ever!

Now, nineteen years later I started questioning my decision that seemed so natural, so right at the time.

My kids are all old enough that they don't need me here with them all the time. Even my youngest is ten, so I started looking for a job. But after so much time out of the work force, it is a daunting task. I don't really have anything to put on my resume. Sure, I went to college, in another country, twenty+ years ago. No one cares. Sure, I volunteered for almost twenty years in a bunch of different schools, after school programs, etc. It doesn't count, no one cares. I did some translations and I wrote occasionally, while staying at home. I can put that on my resume, right? I did. Guess what? No one cares. So yes, I am frustrated. I always wanted to be a writer, and I can finally say that I have time for it now. But I can't make money doing that. Not until I am "somebody", until (and if) I make a name for myself. In the meantime.... yes, I am discouraged. I am frustrated, and feel that maybe I should have stayed in the work force. My kids are no better or worse than those whose parents worked through them growing up.

But then I think of all the years that I was able to spend with them, to be there for them, with them. They were the best time of my life. I'm not sure how much of a difference it made, if any, for them that I was home. But for me it was worth every second. My teenagers are rarely ever home, and they rarely ever talk to me, though they assure me that they talk to me a lot more than their friends talk to their parents. I don't know. When they need a shoulder to cry on, they still come to me. And that needs to be enough. My youngest one is still my baby at ten. She still wants to spend time with me. So she is my priority. I am still glad I didn't find a job. I only want to work part time when she is in school anyway. I still want to be here when she's home, I still want to be able to drive her to after school activities.

Putting things in perspective, I realized that I didn't become a stay-at-home mother just for my kids. I did it for myself, for my own enjoyment. Feeling guilty about it now? I have no reason to. I was fortunate enough to be able to do it. If given a chance, I would do the same.

Kids grow up no matter what we do. Spending time with them while I could was worth every second. Being able to be here when they came home from school, to spend time with them when they were on vacation, traveling with them all over the place was worth everything.

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HappyLady wrote on September 7, 2015, 3:15 AM

I still think that you made the right choice. I also stayed at home. Career wise and financially it came back to bite me, but I would do it the same way again in a heartbeat for all the wonderful times I didn't miss.

Dawnwriter wrote on September 7, 2015, 3:55 AM

I am a stay at home mom and I would not have it any other way. This is what we do for ourselves knowing we having given our best to our children and our home while they needed us most. I can understand your frustration and yes, when children grow up it can be lonely and heartbreaking but that's the price of motherhood.

AdGoggleKo wrote on September 7, 2015, 4:11 AM

I am not a mom but I felt tired of working offline. I missed staying at home so I gave up my job and now exploring online world. emoticon :winking:

MegL wrote on September 7, 2015, 6:34 AM

Being a stay-at-home mom is very important. You are quite right that not a lot of people see it as important. But it is the most important job in the world - being there for that tiny person who NEEDED you for their survival. My husband was the stay at home dad so he has a different perspective and he knows just how much people look down on "Just" a housewife. Looking after children is one of the hardest jobs in the world and the reason people look down on it is because they CAN'T do it! It's too difficult for them to give up their own wants for the well-being of a tiny child. Some people have to go out to work, they have no choice but for those who have a choice, that is their job and hopefully they are doing something they love. Now, a new door is opening for you. You can take your own choice of what to do. There is education or internet marketing. Lots of things. You can also provide advice on whatever you are best at.

DanieGirl8587 wrote on September 7, 2015, 9:16 AM

You are very lucky to have been able to do that. If I had that option, I'd choose it in a heartbeat. I love being with my son as much as I can.

EmeseReka wrote on September 7, 2015, 1:22 PM

Thank you for your insight. Yes, I know I made the right decision. It helps to hear from others who feel the same way. Thank you :)

EmeseReka wrote on September 7, 2015, 1:25 PM

Thank you Dawnwriter. We are lucky to be able to do this, it is worth everything. It also helps to hear from others who are in a similar boat. Thank you for your comment! :)

EmeseReka wrote on September 7, 2015, 1:27 PM

Sounds good. It seems to work for some, I started doing it as well. Hope it works. Thank you for stopping by.

EmeseReka wrote on September 7, 2015, 1:32 PM

Thank you so much for your comment! You made me feel so much better. Yes, you are so right, it is the most important job in the world! I wish it was more recognized, but we are doing it for us, not for others, not to be recognized, but to feel good about ourselves, to be there for our kids when they need us. I appreciate your encouragement. Thank you!

EmeseReka wrote on September 7, 2015, 1:35 PM

Yes, I am very lucky. I know it. I wish everyone had the choice. It's hard now, when the kids are growing up, and don't need me as much, but I am extremely grateful that I did have the choice and was able to spend time with them when they did need me. Thank you for your comment.

Colibry21 wrote on September 16, 2015, 7:05 PM

I think you made a good choice. When I got pregnant with my eldest, I was finishing university, and I already kind of made the decision to stay at home. Especially since we wanted them close it seemed to kind of make sense. I do plan on going back to work, but I'd like to hold off until they're all in elementary school. Although the thought of going back to work does scare me, I don't regret being a stay-at-home mom. I'm sure your kids appreciate you being home.

LeaPea2417 wrote on December 12, 2015, 10:32 PM

I was a stay at home the whole time my two songs were in school until they graduated from High School. I always knew I made the right choice to be there for them.