By in Relationships

This Affects Everyone

Separation and divorce affects everyone in a family. Some (breakups) are better than others because all parties are determined to make it as painless as possible. These are the people that will remain friends decades later.

There are other people, however, that are hell-bent on making life as miserable for their former partners as they can, dragging the whole family--children, parents, extended family and friends--into their nastiness. They do everything to try to destroy what little goodness is left in any ties to the other. They go about their lives to embarrass or disparage others; they lie blatantly. In the meanwhile, everything they say and do about others is the reflection of who they are.

Standing on the sidelines, party to the disgusting display of everything that can be evil in another human being, without being able to do anything but offer support where one can, has to be one of the hardest things to do in life. It is also just as difficult to refrain from spewing out retaliatory venom.

All one can do is hope and pray that truth and justice will prevail, and trust that karma will take care of the rest of it.

© Copyright 2015 - Coral Levang. All Rights Reserved.

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HappyLady wrote on August 19, 2015, 10:25 AM

Having been through it, it is never easy. My kids wanted the divorce, but they still suffered. I would never want to go through that again.

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 10:32 AM

I am a parent watching from the sidelines as I have seen someone destroy any goodness there was left. I only pray that I will have the chance to see the healing, where certain persons are concerned. I also hope that this initial part is over at the end of this month. Then it will be three years that certain person has to be put up with in any capacity.

Feisty56 wrote on August 19, 2015, 10:50 AM

A close relative of mine has been living through the nightmare of a partner who is playing nasty. The kids, of course, are included in the mayhem, although they are nothing but innocent bystanders. You're so right -- it is painful to watch it all unfold. I always have a willing set of ears and a shoulder to lean on when my relative needs to vent. Although I know that is helpful, it is frustrating that I cannot do more.

msiduri wrote on August 19, 2015, 10:56 AM

Oh, don't get me started. It's one thing when a marriage should end, when people just can't get along. Usually, there are faults on both parties. But on occasion (two frequently) there is one or perhaps two people who apparently feel utterly blameless in all things in life and can't take responsibility for anything. Or don't want to pay alimony. Or have a need for some extra drama or just feel vicious. Any may they rot in hell.

In the meantime, who's raising the children?

Last Edited: August 19, 2015, 10:58 AM

MegL wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:06 AM

Yes, it is very hard. Some people just cannot accept that something is over. emoticon :sad:

LeaPea2417 wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:06 AM

I agree, my Uncle and Aunt divorced many years ago, and they really don't like to be in each other's presence but they endure it on occasion because they have kids and grand kids. I do admire them in that they did not try to destroy each other. They endure each other these many years later because of the kids and grand kids.

VinceSummers wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:09 AM

Divorce is never good. It may happen for good cause, but it, itself, is never good. This excerpt is taken from Malachi 3:15, 16: "Do not deal treacherously with the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce."

Rufuszen wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:36 AM

I hate it when one of them says you can't be friends with both and you must choose. A terrible ultimatum.

LoudMan wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:43 AM

Sounds like he was "boring" someone, alright.

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:44 AM

It's the kids that certainly end up in the middle of so much, and are often called upon to be messengers of more of the bullsh** that is taught to them by the most offensive party. To see a child turn from being loving to his/her parent/grandparent to becoming a miniature version of the offending party is heart-breaking, at best. It rips apart relationships that were forged and introduces things that should never have been. *sigh*

LoudMan wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:45 AM

I'm so glad I'm divorced. Some marriages end in a guy dead or in prison. When my ex told me it was over, I tried to argue but then accepted I never won with her anyway, so I left. At first and, for awhile, I had a problem with it but, looking back, I dodged a bullet.

Both she and her entire circle hated me from day one, anyway. Ha-ha.

Last Edited: August 19, 2015, 11:55 AM

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:46 AM

It's horrific on all levels. The most heartbreaking, I think, is when you see one party trying to be adult, but the other goes beyond unreasonable to levels that are absolutely unbelievable. It's just crazy.

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:47 AM

MegL So, they make sure it is not over, and that the wounds are fresh, if delivered by others who are now wounded. emoticon :sad:

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:49 AM

And then there are those who don't simply do it for the kids/grandkids, but can appreciate the others as human beings, and remain as friends. Either of these scenarios is preferable to what so many others do.

LoudMan wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:49 AM

1. When one divorcee parent trask talks the other to - or in front of the kids or allows other people to, it's called parental alienation. It's child abuse and needs mentioning to the judge.

2. Some people only understand fear.

Last Edited: August 19, 2015, 11:52 AM

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:53 AM

I might go as far to say that in many cases marriage is never good, though it happen for a good cause. But I don't look to the same books for justification of the decisions, good or bad.

I do agree that broken partnerships, of any kind, have their share of issues with which to deal. They can be hurtful, and so the warning of "Do not deal treacherously with (anyone)" is sound advice.

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:54 AM

I think that kind of ultimatum is nothing more than a manipulative, controlling behavior that is unconscionable.

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:57 AM

I did not have the horrific break ups that I have seen with so many others. I just think that when adults make decisions, they need to act like reasonable adults. But then I guess I am idealistic.

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 11:58 AM

That is something that I have never understood: Why would someone (like your ex) who "hated (you) from day one," marry you?

LoudMan wrote on August 19, 2015, 12:06 PM

I don't even try speculating the mind of a psychopath, anymore. Noooooo waaaaayyyy. 😊

Sailorchronos wrote on August 19, 2015, 12:45 PM

My ex did this to me. He lied about the real reasons for our marriage breakup and all of his family and many of our mutual friends cut me off as a result. They wouldn't even listen to my side of the story. I realized that there was no way I'd be able to convince them otherwise and washed my hands of all of them. It was a difficult time in my life. I'm so glad that I didn't have kids with him because it would have been very messy.

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 1:24 PM

*sigh* I am sorry that you had to go through this at all. I am glad that children weren't involved.

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 2:19 PM

The question becomes: Did he get them?

Kasman wrote on August 19, 2015, 3:20 PM

Speaking as someone who had gone through the trauma of divorce the timetable goes something like this:
1 - hurt
2 - hatred
3 - resignation
4 - acceptance
5 - contentment
6 - happiness (with a new partner)

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 3:27 PM

Oh, my! LOL

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 3:28 PM

I see that with one party, who is at at . The other started at and has taken it to new levels times 10.

Kasman wrote on August 19, 2015, 3:36 PM

I knew a couple who got divorced and ended up arguing over who got the soup spoons!

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 3:37 PM

*shakes head*

wolfgirl569 wrote on August 19, 2015, 3:41 PM

I went through a nasty divorce from my ex. He tried every shady trick that he could think of to keep me from having custody just because he did not want to pay support. But in the end me and my boys were the happier ones

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 10:15 PM

I understand this behavior from seeing it my family's situation right now. Ugliness. Hopefully, it will all be over by the end of the month, with the exception of the three years until the age of majority.

wolfgirl569 wrote on August 19, 2015, 10:38 PM

The sad thing is he did not really want them, just did not want to give up any money. Hopefully they can find a middle ground fast

cheri wrote on August 19, 2015, 10:44 PM

There is no divorce here in our country. I cannot relate much with the topic but I believe it is really such a difficult situation to be into.

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 10:54 PM

No divorce, whatsoever, cheri ? Is it illegal?

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 10:57 PM

In this case, it is about one wanting to cause as much pain and embarrassment as one can, including financial ruin of the other and family. But mostly, it is about making self feel better and more superior than everyone else, including the other's lawyer, as said party is acting as self-counsel.


Paulie wrote on August 20, 2015, 3:27 AM

When I was going through my divorce, I had a friend who used to always say that, "It's cheaper to keep them." Getting divorced can cost a pretty penny especially if you are a man in the States. My divorce was ugly years ago, but just recently I have seen my ex-wife and we are friends now. My ex is living with my son in Taiwan now, and what happened before is water under the bridge.

CoralLevang wrote on August 20, 2015, 5:46 AM

Well, my daughter isn't a man, and he is trying to see that she is destroyed. This man is not someone who has ever worked much, so they have had virtually nothing over the years. All that he is doing now...I don't see how they will ever get past what he has perpetrated in this last year.