By in Personal

To the Marina I Will Go

In a couple of hours, I will be making my way to one of our local marinas to pick up RGD, who has been gone for the past several weeks fishing and shrimping in Canada and Alaska. He was invited to go with some acquaintances--a husband and wife--who do this nearly each year.

He has not been one to do things for himself like this over the years. He finds reasons to avoid having fun, being around people he does not know well, and stepping out of his comfort zone. He nearly did not go on this trip either, and it caused a rift between us, as I have tried to encourage him over the years.

I stepped back, because I no longer have the energy or desired to persuade someone who wants to stay stuck. He decided, at the last minute, to go anyway, when his constant fretting was not given any more attention, and it did him no good to try to control his other concerns.

Last night, I got a phone call and heard him say, "I got to see things that most people never get the chance to see." He told me brief stories of glaciers calving, a humpback whale, baby seals feasting, and walking the trails in the bear sanctuary in Prince Rupert just a few hundred feet from an 800-pound black bear.

Now, he is arriving with his fresh seafood--salmon, cod, halibut and prawns--and stories that he can tell others. He even has a fish story about one that got away.

I hope that this is the beginning for him to feel a bit more comfortable with making friendships, so that the stories are not only for his cats he will be picking up from the kennels today or tomorrow.

© Copyright 2015 - Coral Levang. All Rights Reserved.

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Rufuszen wrote on August 18, 2015, 12:48 PM

Sounds great fun. I had the chance to go fishing in the wilds of Canada many moons ago and I really must do it again. I did worry a lot about meeting a bear!

Feisty56 wrote on August 18, 2015, 12:53 PM

You've been a wonderful and supportive friend to RGD. I am sure he values your relationship and your support. RGD sounds a lot like me: Being around people I don't know is out of my comfort zone. I was able to do it as part of my work, but in my social life I shied away from group activities unless it was with people I knew well. Even then, more than a few hours together could be overwhelming emotionally for me. I explain this only to say that what appears as being stubborn is actually us protecting our introverted selves. I see how it can be frustrating to others who can't feel the inner-workings of our personalities.

And kudos to you for backing away when you did. I know your energy was sapped in trying to convince RGD of the advantages of the fishing trip, but I also think that backing off as you did took some pressure off his decision-making. It happened at just the perfect time!

alexdg1 wrote on August 18, 2015, 12:54 PM

I'm glad that RGD was able to overcome his fears and go on that trip; he apparently had a good time despite his misgivings.

Although I was not as bad about socializing or trying new things and exploring "strange new worlds," I can relate to RGD in some ways. My issues are more in the dating arena. I'm a bit awkward about meeting women and dread being rejected. I've gotten over it a few times and ACTUALLY had relationships and even wild flings, but the shyness/rejection phobia seem to wax and wane.

CoralLevang wrote on August 18, 2015, 12:55 PM

I hope he understands that he has to go after the things that he enjoys. Life gives us enough of the shi* that we have to put up with. Excessive worry robs us.

LeaPea2417 wrote on August 18, 2015, 12:59 PM

That does sound like a great adventure. I seriously would like to do something like that some time soon.

CoralLevang wrote on August 18, 2015, 1:07 PM

Feisty56 Oh, I truly do understand and appreciate introverts. But I also understand that some intro- and extroverts alike use their methods of interaction to avoid what is scariest to them. I avoid close relationships by perfecting the consummate entertainer, balls-to-the-wall personality to scare people off from knowing the flawed me. He avoids close relationships by perfecting the curmudgeon personality, and complete withdrawal. Both types are stubborn and use it for protection. Same continuum, different ends. I do not get frustrated by his personality, but his accusations that he is not responsible for his decisions to choose to push others away, but that it's their fault for making him uncomfortable. I don't buy that as an excuse not to communicate in a way that is clear, any more than I would accept someone like me saying that it's your responsibility to constantly pat me on the back when I am feeling scared that I am rejected. We all have to understand ourselves, and then live with others. Crazy that opposites are usually the ones who end up as friends, but then don't know how to deal with one another, thinking that others should just accept us for who we are. I find this to be a common theme when I teach workshops or coach.
We are fascinating creatures...human that we are!

And thank you for the reminder that I need to be aware. I appreciate that so much.

CoralLevang wrote on August 18, 2015, 1:08 PM

alexdg1 We all have those misgivings/fears/phobias. Our battles may be different, but we really are all the same.

CoralLevang wrote on August 18, 2015, 1:09 PM

I am going to continue to encourage him to take more adventures, big and small. Thanks, LeaPea2417

Feisty56 wrote on August 18, 2015, 1:31 PM

I apologize for preaching to the choir. I am with you; no one gets to absolve themselves of the responsibility of their own decisions, even when they refuse to make choices.

CoralLevang wrote on August 18, 2015, 5:10 PM

Feisty56 No reason to apologize, hon. I didn't mean to get on my soapbox. I, obviously, have my own issues with feeling blame. ROFL

CoralLevang wrote on August 18, 2015, 5:12 PM

He said that he was surprised that it wasn't more leisurely. Apparently, the boat's "captain" is there to catch, not for leisure. LOL Other than the glacier/bear expeditions, the only times they docked and got off the boat, were twice, when they had to go for a quick trip to the grocery store.

wolfgirl569 wrote on August 18, 2015, 5:43 PM

Sounds like a great time and hopefully now he will do more

CoralLevang wrote on August 18, 2015, 6:10 PM

I agree, wolfgirl569 . It was something he had never done before, and my wish is that he will take more time to do things he wants.

DWDavisRSL wrote on August 18, 2015, 9:18 PM

Perhaps this successful trip will be the catalyst he needs to be a bit more outgoing.

BarbRad wrote on August 19, 2015, 1:44 AM

It sounds as though this trip was really good for him. He probably now appreciates your encouragement.

Paulie wrote on August 19, 2015, 3:08 AM

I'm happy RGD had a great fishing trip. i would have loved to go on that trip.

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 7:56 AM

I doubt that he will be more outgoing, but I hope that it will be catalyst to get him out there to DO things.

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 7:57 AM

I hope it was for him. He deserves to do things he enjoys.

CoralLevang wrote on August 19, 2015, 7:59 AM

I think his friend is doing it again in August next year. Usually they go for four months at a time. Perhaps RGD will go again.

Paulie wrote on August 20, 2015, 4:47 AM

He should go since he really enjoyed this trip. Why don't you go with him if RGD goes again?

CoralLevang wrote on August 20, 2015, 5:35 AM

Because I do not want to be in that close of quarters for a month.

AliCanary wrote on August 21, 2015, 6:41 AM

This is interesting, because it reminds me of your trepidation before the dinner party. And both of you found out that going ahead and doing it proved to be very rewarding!

CoralLevang wrote on August 21, 2015, 1:41 PM

I've often said that none of us in this world is much different. The war is the same; the battles are different.