By in Personal

At a Standstill

Well, to be honest...

I haven't been much of an active member for the past months. And having logged in again (you can give me ten facepalms right now) because of an email I've received about updates of this site, I got strings of guilt pulling me in all directions, so to speak.

And then it hit me. I have somehow lost that joy I find in writing. I am somehow caught up in the intricacies and oppression in the real world. I'm slowly sucked into that whirlpool madness in the corporate ladder, struggling to stay afloat while paddling forever to reach that seemingly unreachable destination.

I'm at a standstill - too afraid to leap forward, and too wary to go back.

Sometimes, it's just too much. Everything's too much to handle. Even if it's beyond my control, I still stress about it. I fuss a lot and get easily frustrated. I think I'm a lost fish in a very big ocean. It's like being Nemo ending up in an aquarium where I'm not supposed to be.

I do love my work, but I'm afraid it's slowly eating away my soul. I look forward to the paydays, make cash advances when wallet's becoming thin, and currently weighed down by debt - although it may not be that much compared to others.

But still...

Fear plagues me. Paranoia sets in every time I try to make a life-changing step.

I am at a standstill. Can anyone help me?

Image Credit » mine

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oldies909 wrote on June 17, 2015, 1:53 PM

Well apparently I stress in did not know it because I was diagnosed a few years back with colitis which is mainly a stress related disease.

MegL wrote on June 17, 2015, 4:50 PM

I wonder why you say you love your job but it's eating away your soul. A job or work you love should not do that. Do you really love your job that much?
You don't need to make a life-changing step. You just need to make lots of little steps that take you in the direction you want to go. But first, you have to know where you want to go.

anikaroni wrote on June 19, 2015, 2:01 AM

You have a point there. Perhaps I used the wrong description for my work. I love my job but it pays me inadequately. I've thought of looking for another one that pays me well, but then I get to think of the cool stuff and privileges that I could do with my current job, the chance to help other people and learn things. Sometimes I work too hard to earn as much, until I get to no longer enjoy the perks of life outside work.
The latter part about knowing where I'd want to go...was the same exact thing my boyfriend told me recently. I guess I really need to figure out things and find what really matters. Thank you so much for your insight :)

anikaroni wrote on June 19, 2015, 2:01 AM

So, how are you lately? I hope you're doing good.

acelawrites wrote on June 20, 2015, 7:13 AM

Like you, I had been absent from this site for so long. Good thing I went back, because I am afraid I might be given an inactive status, and with it, I will miss a lot of my friends here specially those I met in other sites before i came here.

anikaroni wrote on June 21, 2015, 11:22 AM

It's good to be back :D