By in Holidays

Mothers' Day when Mom Is Not There

I lost my mother on June 14, 2011. It seems like yesterday, though it has been nearly four years.

Ours had not been a great relationship over the years. We loved each other, but we did not understand one another well. I think that I understood her far better than she did me, as long as I did not allow the emotional side to take over my reasoning ability.

Mothers' Day, as a holiday, has become so commercialized that it makes it difficult for those whose mothers are no longer with us. I find myself reading the cards with tears streaming down my face, looking for the perfect card. I bought a card for her one year after she was gone.

Though she is gone, and I have nowhere to send a card, there isn't a day that passes that I do not wish I could call her to simply say, "I love you, Mom."

© 2015 Coral Levang

Read about the last Mothers' Day I spent with my mother on Mothers' Day Without My Mom

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Image Credit » http://pixabay.com/en/mother-s-day-love-mama-mother-luck-754732/ by Alexas_Fotos

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Comments

MegL wrote on May 9, 2015, 5:07 PM

I am sorry you miss your mother so much. Some people have a conversation in their heads with those who are gone and seem to find it helps.

CoralLevang wrote on May 9, 2015, 5:23 PM

Thank you. I have often wondered why I miss her as much as I do. I truly think that there was much more connection there than many thought we had. We were both just too stubborn to say it, perhaps.

CoralLevang wrote on May 9, 2015, 7:57 PM

I left home in 1973 to join the military. I was her first-born. Though I think she understood, one of the last times I was down there to visit, she said, "You know that you ran away from the family when you joined the military." I looked at her and responded, "Yes, I guess I did. I wanted away from the craziness that was going on, and started dealing with my own craziness." She just smiled and nodded. That was 37 years after the fact.

wolfgirl569 wrote on May 9, 2015, 9:03 PM

So sorry. It is never easy to lose someone you love

jiangliu1949 wrote on May 10, 2015, 6:50 AM

I am moved by how you missed your Mum.My Mum is 94 ,today we buy her a lot of goodies .Mother's Day isn't our native holiday ,but we now make much of it .We owe our mother a great deal and we can't do for her too much .

Hollyhocks100 wrote on May 10, 2015, 8:01 AM

So sorry to read this Coral, if only we had said somethings and not others before it was too late.

CoralLevang wrote on May 10, 2015, 9:39 AM

Thanks, wolfgirl569 . And we never know what we have until we lose them.

CoralLevang wrote on May 10, 2015, 9:40 AM

Enjoy your day together! She has lived a good long life!

CoralLevang wrote on May 10, 2015, 9:43 AM

Thanks so much. Indeed, we do not do or say the things we might have said. We have regrets for the way we behave. Part of the maturation process, I suppose.

BarbRad wrote on May 12, 2015, 3:14 AM

I can echo that. I not only miss my mom, I also miss my two children. I sort of crawl under a rock on Mother's Day.

CoralLevang wrote on May 12, 2015, 3:16 AM

I am so sorry, BarbRad . Yesterday was not a good one, at all. I think I'll find a rock next year.

BarbRad wrote on May 13, 2015, 2:55 AM

We have lots of rocks around here. I don't even remember what I did on Sunday. I remember being tired. i think that's the day I watched all those Forensic Files episodes.