By in Animals

Guiness the Cat Announces the Menu for the Emergency Professional Cat Bloggers Association Meeting

Hello, it is me, Guiness the Cat, President of the Professional Cat Bloggers Association, here to inform all members that I have called an emergency meeting for the following agenda.

We're going to have a squirrel-b-q in my front yard.

We'll start with appetizers of grilled field mice covered in cheese, to be followed by a nice rat stew. From there, it's on to the main course of barbequed squirrel.

Members are requested to bring all the appropriate sides: milk, cheese, ranch dressing, gravy, bacon and chicken hors d'oeuvres, and of course ice cream and yogurt for dessert. No chocolate please. It's bad for kitties. I'm partial to vanilla myself.

We will begin the meeting by dividing into teams. One team will proceed to the field to hunt for the dastardly little varmints who chewed through my as-yet-unburied new internet cable in three places, preventing me from earning cat food money all weekend. The second team will be in charge of hauling lunch from the field to the yard.

My human has agreed to cook everything we catch, but refuses to dress it out (I don't know why), so Team 3 will be in charge of skinning and filleting.

Team 4 will handle clean up duties following butchering, another deal breaker for the human. Any well-behaved canines who would like to attend should volunteer for this team.

We will also need a team of supervisors, which I personally will oversee.

This meeting is of utmost urgency as it may be another week or two before the cable get buried. I urge all cats to attend if at all possible.

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat, Very Annoyed (and Hungry) President, PCBA


Content (c) 2015 by Guiness the Cat. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved, and all that other stuff humans say.

Image Credit » (c) 2015 by Debbi Craton. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved.

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Kasman wrote on April 22, 2015, 6:00 PM

As president and sole member of the Association of Bloggers against Cat Power I hereby volunteer to help at your emergency meeting (this will give me an opportunity to spy on your workings and take surreptitious notes on who is important in your organisation and needs watching and who I can safely ignore) - sssshh!

maxeen wrote on April 22, 2015, 6:02 PM

I don't much like that menu,I will just stay home,thanks anyway.

cmoneyspinner wrote on April 22, 2015, 6:10 PM

LOL. I'm not a cat person. But I'll take a cat over a rat any day! :)

LindaCPearson wrote on April 22, 2015, 7:57 PM

Hi Guiness, Grand President and Events Planner. It's Mildred. I sure hope I can make it to this most important event. I've been begging and pleading and begging and pleading my mom to let me go. First problem is transportation. I told my mom I could take a bus if she doesn't want to drive me. Second problem is my mom won't even let me kill a fly let alone a cute little mouse. She said the mice are cute. I didn't. I don't know what to do. I've never killed anything except a few lady bugs and that's only because my mom couldn't save them in time. Any suggestions? Your faithful feline gal pal, Mildred the Cat.

wolfgirl569 wrote on April 22, 2015, 7:57 PM

Bunny here willing to help if I can have some of the squirrel

Kath wrote on April 22, 2015, 10:16 PM

Beautiful stately-looking tree. I think the squirrels might have got word of the Emergency Meeting. Maybe some gossip was overheard? I once heard of someone having had a rat chew through a partly buried water pipe (in a city where water use is metered) and as it created only a 'slow' leak they didn't realise what had happened for ages, so their water bill was a few thousand dollars more that year than would be expected, or so they told me.

allen0187 wrote on April 22, 2015, 11:10 PM

Squirrelly here, president of the Association of Super Squirrels (no acronyms please!) , representing all squirrels resent to the strongest possible degree you cats calling us varmints. We will be in the premises to ensure that no squirrels will be hunted down and much less barbequed.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 23, 2015, 12:04 AM

Dear Kasman,

That's very sweet of you. You can serve on the cleanup team. We'll save you some cheese-covered mice and rat stew just in case we run out of squirrel.

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 23, 2015, 12:06 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. That's too bad. Rat stew is very tasty, and we'll have ice cream after.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 23, 2015, 12:07 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. Me, too.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 23, 2015, 12:08 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. Ruby is welcome to anything she can scrounge up in the field, especially if it's fond of gnawing on my internet cable.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 23, 2015, 12:15 AM

Dear Mildred the Cat,

You can be on the supervisory team if you wish. I'm normally a sport mouser myself (strictly catch and release), but this is urgent. As for your mom, try playing on her sympathies. How would she feel if those varmints ate her internet cable and left her without a way to earn people food money for days and days upon end (well, two-and-a-half at least) and she couldn't go on Facebook or watch cute cat videos or anything? Please try to hop a plane. This is time-sensitive.

Sincerely, your Knight in Distress, Guiness the Cat

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 23, 2015, 12:17 AM

Dear Bunny,

You many have all the squirrel you wish. I have a million, and if I run out, I think the neighbor kitties can be persuaded to share.

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 23, 2015, 12:20 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. Those squirrels are dastardly. They eat power lines, too, and have blown the transformers before (but only one time each).

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 23, 2015, 12:24 AM

Dear Squirrelly,

Come on over. I've got some power lines you can eat and transformers you can blow. Do you want ranch dressing with that?

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

allen0187 wrote on April 23, 2015, 12:48 AM

I'll pass on the ranch dressing but would like some mustard and hot sauce if you have any.

iwrite28 wrote on April 23, 2015, 1:17 AM

Guiness the rock as always...but not your menu.

HappyLady wrote on April 23, 2015, 3:44 AM

I, as Chaircat, intend to sit on a chair and watch proceedings. I will bring a supply of cream if they let me fly with it. It is boring here so I welcome the distraction. Also, the food sounds better. Freya the Catblog Cat. Chair.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 23, 2015, 10:46 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. My human is almost out of mustard, so you probably should bring some. We do have hot sauce though, for keeping the deer from eating plants they aren't supposed to.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 23, 2015, 10:53 AM

Dear Freya the Catblog Cat,

I did have you in mind for the supervisory team as you are so good at it. I should have asked members to bring extra chairs as I don't think I will have enough if all the cats come. I will of course reserve you one of mine. It would be a big hassle to have to bring your own through customs.

I think this will be a nice change from all the boring stuff I've been eating, too. After we eat, I think we should draft a petition to the cat food companies for better-tasting and healthier choices in cat food. How about squirrel shreds? Lizard pate? Mouse chunks? Rat and gravy?

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

Arvi wrote on April 23, 2015, 12:47 PM

Guiness, If I had a cat, I would send him/her your way. The owners of our new house don't seem to want animals here. Good luck at your meeting.

WordChazer wrote on April 23, 2015, 3:11 PM

We have revenge in these parts. It's called an electrical sub-station. They turn out lovely bbq squirrel. Unfortunately the act of bbqing the squirrel tends to take power out to half the village too, so I'd be wary of using this method, myself. Love Reggie the neighborhood moggie and driva man of mice. Happy to sit on the floor. No chair required.

Last Edited: April 23, 2015, 3:13 PM

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 23, 2015, 3:45 PM

This is Guiness the Cat. You could come without a cat if you'd like. We'll have plenty to eat.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 23, 2015, 3:52 PM

Dear Reggie,

The neighbor kitties and I have had a few individual squirrels BBQ'ed before, which is rather inconvenient for me as I am declawed and can't climb the power pole to retrieve them. The humans were equally vertically challenged and had to call the power company to come do it. Come on over. We'll be happy to let you sit on the floor.

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

Kasman wrote on April 23, 2015, 4:40 PM

allen0187 - dear Squirrely: perhaps we should team up and take on these dastardly feline hordes together! I'm sure that with my ABCP and your ASS we could soon have them running for the hills.

WordChazer wrote on April 23, 2015, 5:28 PM

Deal. I'll get your BBQ squirrel from the top of the pole if you'll share it with me? Much love, Reggie the adventurous neighborhood moggie.

BarbRad wrote on April 23, 2015, 7:30 PM

i wish you all a successful event. I'm not to found of squirrels, and the less of them around, the better.

Bobbydem wrote on April 24, 2015, 2:54 AM

Dear Guiness, Sylph has been collecting field mice and will gladly donate them. She'd love to try catching squirrel as she believes her ninja stealth moves would make her ideal for the catch part of the program. I will volunteer to supervise and be taste tester - Morpheus P.s. You forgot the tuna on the menu.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 25, 2015, 1:08 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. I could care less when the eat all the apples and tomatoes, but my internet cable is another matter!

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 25, 2015, 1:15 AM

Dear Morpheus,

I like tuna as well as the next kitty, but so far they haven't interfered with my livelihood. We'll have tuna when we meet at Kasman 's house. Tell Sylph to sharpen her claws as her talents will be greatly appreciated. She can team up with the neighbor ninja kitties next door. I'm sure they'll hit it right off.

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat