By in Personal

Unrealistic Expectations?

During the week, when I am in the three-day workshop cycle, I do not feel I have much time to read or write. In fact, I am rather exhausted during the process and have little energy other than to get a bite to eat and fall into bed. Unfortunately, I am not getting much rest at nights, awakening several times.

I often wonder if others are like me. I have this passion for getting the messages to my participants and give 110% of self to those who attend, regardless of their interactivity with me. I continue to try to engage them in the hopes that something will spark them to want more for themselves.

Last week's class evaluations of me were okay, but there were several, which spoke of things that were "offensive" to them, citing general examples of a type of remark (I will not put it up here). I know myself and clearly deny my capacity to make such remarks. If in the wrong hands, it could be taken completely out of context and be troublesome.

When I get people who are unhappy in class, and then I force them to think, by challenging them, I find that the reaction is to try to seek out and destroy. The comments get more vicious and ugly. It happens more and more.

When did people begin to have so little regard for others that they would stoop to any level, just to try to make life miserable for others and get them into trouble for something they do not do? This society frowns on certain behavior, so they use that simply to accuse, though they do not do so openly with their names on the evaluations.

I suppose it is human nature (of some) to act this way. But it seems as if it happening more and more.

Or maybe I am the one who needs to change. I may continue to hold unrealistic, idealistic expectations of what the world should be.

© Coral Levang, 2015

Image Credit » by geralt

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GemOfAGirl wrote on March 18, 2015, 11:17 AM

I would never assume that you are guilty as charged by those who did the evaluating, but I think that somewhere along the way, people have forgotten that when someone offends them, the correct response is not to double the firepower and offend back at them. (Well, maybe it is on the battlefield, but not when it's regular human interaction.)

Last week, I had a client who had an hour-long appointment set with me, and she showed up a half an hour late for it, without calling ahead to say she was going to be late. Since the entire hour is necessary, and I had another appointment scheduled right after hers (and I already knew that the person with the next appointment was already on a tight schedule), my receptionist suggested that the woman who showed up late either reschedule her appointment for another time, or to drop off her information, and I could do a telephone meeting at a later time. The client - who was HALF AN HOUR LATE without calling ahead to say she was going to be late - had a total meltdown on my receptionist and almost made her cry, and then stormed out of the office. I wish I could say that was the first time I've seen something like that happen, but it isn't - I've had clients who've shown up for scheduled meetings as much as three hours late without calling and letting me or anyone else know about it, and then get mad at us about it when we don't reschedule someone else - who wasn't late - to accommodate them. It's very frustrating. I'll accommodate them when it doesn't step on the toes of other clients, but it ticks me off when they just expect us to move around everyone else - who are also on a schedule. Civility kind of became an endangered species somewhere along the way.

GemOfAGirl wrote on March 18, 2015, 11:17 AM

.....And I just realized that I could have turned that into a whole separate article, lol.

Hollyhocks100 wrote on March 18, 2015, 11:21 AM

It seems to me there is so much more back stabbing in the workplace now, or at least there was when I last worked full time in the UK. I was going to ask where it all came from and why, but then realized that it´s down to management in a lot of the case´s keeping everyone off balance. So sorry to hear you are having a rough time of it Coral, and all it seems by people who are afraid to talk face to face.

nbaquero wrote on March 18, 2015, 11:25 AM

Gemofagirl That's what I was going to say... LOL!

Last Edited: March 18, 2015, 11:28 AM

nbaquero wrote on March 18, 2015, 11:27 AM

CoralLevang Feedback has always this sort of double interpretation and as such has to be taken with a grain of salt. It would good if you could talk to those people and find out why would they leave that type of comments, but I understand that many times those evaluations are done anonymously.

Feisty56 wrote on March 18, 2015, 11:53 AM

I'm afraid I'm with you in the idealistic expectations department. It does often lead to disappointment or frustration, but there are other times, in random situations, where my hopes are renewed by unexpected acts of kindness or emotional generosity.

McIntire wrote on March 18, 2015, 1:05 PM

Hi Coral. I've been AWOL for awhile. but I've really missed you and all the others here. Anyhow, I firmly believe this behavior you're facing is NOT you. Our culture seems to have lost all sense of manners and respect, and to be challenged to do or think seems to offend certain people. Why? That's debatable, but my opinion is that these people believe only THEIR way is the RIGHT way. I feel bad that this is stressing you out so much when all you want to do is help. Try to focus on all of those that ARE listening and responding, and remember that you are definitely reaching some, if not all. (HUG!)

paigea wrote on March 18, 2015, 6:29 PM

It is difficult to understand what people think they will accomplish by lying. At least it sounds like they outright lied on the evaluations. Take care.

valmnz wrote on March 18, 2015, 8:08 PM

Didn't you say that last week's group were youner than usual? They obviously didn't want to be there in the first place, so chose to take it out on you. I'm sure your employers know the quality of your workshops. The ones I hate are the ones who say they expected to see this or that in the session, when they've had an outline before attending. Or, that you could have included more information when time is limited. Sometimes I feel like suggesting they may have a great future ahead of them runnng workshops. Anyway, sending you lots of smiles and hugs for this week.

PriscillaKing wrote on March 19, 2015, 1:26 PM

Memes that just pop up like that can be hard to track down. "Did I say those words, but in a different way? Did I say something different that might have sounded like that? Are they thinking of something some other person said?" And sometimes they're invented out of when someone I didn't even know claimed that I'd said I hated him. I neither knew nor hated him; because a *lot* of people *did* hate this guy, no doubt for good and sufficient reasons, and because the person whose shoulder he was crying on was sensitized to that about him, he fabricated that story as an excuse for taking over a job I was supposed to have been doing. (He never did that job, either, I might add.)

PriscillaKing wrote on March 19, 2015, 1:30 PM

I would wonder, though, whether a three-day workshop that's all *that* intensive is a good learning format. Some people like things intense, but how much are they learning? I remember that the NMT course in the six-weekend format was never ever boring, which was was just right for me on the weekends when *everything* else was going smoothly, but too much if travel and interpersonal stress were added to the mix.