Humans Are So Gullible, by Guiness the Cat
Hello, this is Guiness the Cat with the latest lame-brained thing my human did.
She started out the day spending hours cleaning house. I don't know why. She's just going to get it dirty again.
I kept telling her there were more important things to life. Besides eating and sleeping, there's going outside. And I wanted to go outside. But she just kept doing laundry and washing dishes and telling me we'd go outside later, after the piano lesson.
Now, piano lessons I can see, since they do bring in money to fill the cat dish. But nobody's paying her to wash dishes.
So we get to the point where we--I mean, she--starts straightening the living room, and she takes my cat sheet off my coffee table to brush the cat hair off it. I don't know why. I mean, that's pretty pointless, too. I don't know why she even insists on keeping my coffee table covered up, anyway. Some ridiculous rambling about scratches and white spots from cat puke. It's my coffee table. What should she care?
Anyway, she took the sheet out on the porch to brush it, and said I could go with her "just for one minute".
That's what she said. One minute.
So out we go. She brushes off the sheet and goes back in the living room to put it back on the table, and I thought she'd come right back outside and drag me inside with more of this "we'll go later" stuff. I think that's what she thought, too.
As you know, I'm not allowed outside by myself unless she's with me or watching me from the living room because of some silly human hang-up about me getting lost (I know exactly where I'm going) or eaten by coyotes or snakes or deer. Silly human. Deer are vegetarians, and I don't eat vegetables.
So, anyway, I was expecting her to come back outside. So I waited. And waited. And she didn't.
So I left.
Minutes went by. She's rushing around trying to get things done before the piano student, why I don't know, and she walks back through the living room and I'm not there. So she panics. Now she comes outside and starts calling me.
Meanwhile, I'm behind the house, where I'm not supposed to be without her. So I hear her and come booking around the corner by the garage as she comes around the corner from the opposite direction.
And she says, "Good boy, Guiness!"
Good boy? Seriously?
She went on and on. "What a good boy! You came when I called you! Good boy! Let's go get a treat!"
Seriously, how gullible can you get? I'm behind the house and she thinks I'm a good boy because I'm trying to get out of trouble?
So we go inside and get a treat and she says, "I forgot about you. You scared me."
If she forgot about me, how come I'm the one who scared her ? But I didn't contradict her. I just took the treat and purred to let her know I forgave her.
Gullible, gullible, gullible. It's pitiful, but it does come in handy.
Sincerely, Guiness the Good Boy (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.)
Content (c) 2015 by Guiness the Cat. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved, and all that other stuff humans say.
Image Credit » Photo (c) 2015 Debbi Craton. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved.