By in Family

Seeing My Daughter Again for the First Time

It has been more than two decades since I have truly seen my daughter. I do not mean that we have not been in contact, though there were several years when that was reality. But today, I saw my daughter again in one of her purest forms, just as she was when she was a little girl. It has been a long time coming. It is as if she is seeing the world again for her first time.

Twenty years ago, she left home to pursue a relationship. Over these years, as a parent, I could only stand by and hope that I might have been wrong about what I suspected from the git-go. What that was is unimportant to say for the moment. Suffice it to say that she made a courageous decision this summer, one that was not easy for her, and it has come with some pain.

What I have seen in these last few months is a resolve to reclaim her life and her sense of well-being. To see her smile again, surrounded by friends, doing things that make her happy, stretching herself to new limits to figure out who she is again, is the best thing that a parent might ask for.

Though tough decisions are never easy to make, sometimes the pain of staying where one is may be far worse than clawing one's way out of the abyss we have allowed others to lead us into.

There was once a time when I felt that I would never again see the heart and soul of the brilliant, open, creative, young woman to whom I gave birth. But today, I saw her.

And she has begun to smile once again.

Coral Levang © 2015 All rights reserved.

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Image Credit » by promo25

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valmnz wrote on March 9, 2015, 12:47 AM

It is so hard as a parent to let things take their natural course. I too am experiencing someone trying to make a new start. All we can give is love and support. I feel happy for both you and your daughter.

MegL wrote on March 9, 2015, 4:27 AM

That is fantastic. It is hard to see our children suffer, yet I know from personal experience that the hardest times are when I have personally developed the most. Hopefully, now she has put that behind her, she will rise to even greater heights.

BarbRad wrote on March 9, 2015, 5:06 AM

I want to cry tears of joy for you. Your heart must be overflowing, and maybe your eyes, as well.

sarosh wrote on March 9, 2015, 5:23 AM

The seperation time is really long and the joy of meeting after this long gap is unimaginable for sure

Hollyhocks100 wrote on March 9, 2015, 9:00 AM

I´m so pleased your daughter is moving away from something that sounds so toxic. No wonder you are feeling so good.

wolfgirl569 wrote on March 9, 2015, 9:44 AM

I am happy for both of you and wish her luck on her continuing journey to be herself again

CoralLevang wrote on March 9, 2015, 10:29 AM

Sometimes, it is so difficult to simply let go. And, in that lesson, we also realize there is much more of which we must let go. You are spot on...all we can do is give love.

CoralLevang wrote on March 9, 2015, 10:31 AM

I see her as she is becoming .... I wrote a poem awhile back (years ago) that I will have to resurrect and then another is bursting to come out.

CoralLevang wrote on March 9, 2015, 10:33 AM

I know it may be wrong, but I hoped to see these days when the decisions would be made. Unfortunately, I wouldn't have wished the decisions on anyone. I did not want to be right. I hoped I might be wrong. I am glad that she has the strength to move forward, even as heartbreaking as it can be.

CoralLevang wrote on March 9, 2015, 10:35 AM

We have not been separated all this time physically. But the emotional divide was great.

CoralLevang wrote on March 9, 2015, 10:37 AM

Thank you. It was/is so toxic. There are others involved, too, which breaks my heart. One will be okay. The other is being filled with poison, but my hope is that in time and with love that the situation will be healed.

CoralLevang wrote on March 9, 2015, 10:40 AM

Thanks. And, yes, it truly is a journey. When we are in the middle of it, sometimes we feel it could last forever. Having the moments to breathe again are those where we realize what we truly have within.

Hollyhocks100 wrote on March 9, 2015, 10:42 AM

Oh dear. All we can really do is be there to help pick up the pieces, if allowed that is.

nbaquero wrote on March 9, 2015, 10:46 AM

CoralLevang Everyone has to go through their pains and aches to grow as a person and learn to value the lessons life teach us. It is difficult to watch from the sidelines, but moments like the one you described showed that is worth it. The best for you and your daughter!

CoralLevang wrote on March 9, 2015, 10:48 AM

*nods* I prayed that I would be allowed to see that with her, and I am thankful there has been inclusion. I feared I would not live to ever see that day. Now, I pray for the time to see the others involved to understand that what is always seen, heard, or told is not always truth in reality. My heart cries at what has transpired, but I suppose lessons must be learned in this way. I keep a written journal now for each.

CoralLevang wrote on March 9, 2015, 10:50 AM

Thank you so much. I am so grateful for the healing and pray that it won't take as long for the others.

BarbRad wrote on March 9, 2015, 2:47 PM

At least she survived it. My daughter did not survive her poor decisions.

CoralLevang wrote on March 9, 2015, 2:49 PM

*hugs* I agree. As long as there is life, there is hope. I pray there is hope for other players and their decisions.

PriscillaKing wrote on March 9, 2015, 3:08 PM

I'm glad she's getting through it.

pinkCardigangirl wrote on March 10, 2015, 1:16 AM

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I can only imagine what your daughter has been through, and you as her mother to watch. I hope she continues to smile and shine.

CoralLevang wrote on March 10, 2015, 1:34 AM

She is a tough cookie somewhere in there. Like so many of the rest of us, she wants to avoid conflict, doesn't want to be seen as the "b****," and feels that walking away without standing up is somehow preferred to setting boundaries. She's learning.

CoralLevang wrote on March 10, 2015, 1:37 AM

There was a time that I did not think I would see the day that she would find her way back to being ... I have seen more joy from her, even through the struggles, in this last few months than I have since she left home 20 years ago. I rejoice in that.