I Have No Bucket List
One of my favorite people that I have met through online writing sites is valmnz . I find her to be one of the most genuine people I have come across in the 17 years that I have been online in chat rooms and writing. Normally, we share many common views and interests, and I agree with her on many topics.
One writing topic that she has challenged us to take on is a "Bucket List" challenge--writing about what is on our own list of things we would like to do before we kick the bucket (die).
In May 2012, I was told that I was going to die in six months to a year, having been diagnosed with stage IV Carcinoid/Neuroendocrine Cancer. I seriously considered ending my life two weeks after I heard the doctor say those words. A bucket list was the last thing on my mind. Obviously, I am not gone yet.
Many people, upon learning of my diagnosis, started to be concerned about knowing what my bucket list was and encouraging me to do these things. No one offered to pay for my extravagant trip around the world, or taking the pilgrimage, El Camino de Santiago. Spending a summer in Sweden with friends is also costly. So is a trip south of the equator to visit Australia and New Zealand.
You see, everything that might have been on my bucket list costs many thousands of dollars, just in airfare alone. And when given only a short time, none of those things matter any more. There is no time to plan them, pay for them, and do them.
I decided that I was going to forgo the bucket list. Instead, I was going to have a "Live-it" list. Each and every day that I wake up, I am living with cancer, not dying of it.
So, my "live-it" list is very simple: Live each day doing what I feel like doing. This includes work, play, eating, working,driving...anything.
I also made a pact with myself that when things are no longer fun, I will stop giving my energy to it, which means that choices will have to be made when those moments present themselves.
Since changing my view on life and living, which I see as two different things, I have done many things that I would never have done, had I had a bucket list. In fact, some of them were so far out of my scope of what I would have ever been crazy enough to do every thought of doing.
Glass fusing. Rock climbing. Painting. Zip-lining. Obstacle course. And more.
Each of these things scared the heck out of me. Yet, when I found myself in a moment to do them, I made a choice then and there.
I have things that I would like to see and people I would love to meet around the world, should I find myself with the money to do them. One of the people will be valmnz in New Zealand.
But other than the travel wishes, I have no Bucket List. You see, I still have life to live. One day at a time.
© 2015, Coral Levang All rights reserved
Image Credit » http://pixabay.com/en/bucket-scoop-baby-child-toy-sand-82991/