By in Writing

'Sorry Dave' - WRITING Category Challenge

Another short story from yours truly. Been dabbling at writing fiction... at least what passes for one. LOL!

Would love to read everyone's comments, rants, and otherwise violent reactions to this piece.

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'Sorry Dave. We did what we can. The tumor has spread and there's nothing that we can do for you anymore. You have three months to live.', the doctor said with a look of defeat in his face.

'Sorry Dave. We hate doing this to someone who has shown his loyalty to the company for all these years. Your division has been shut down. Everything is automated now. Please see the HR Director, she will discuss the details of your release.', said the son of the owner. He is taking over the company and he introduced the new automated system that has made Dave's division obsolete.

'Sorry Dave. I just can't live like this anymore. I'm seeing someone else and I'm filing for divorce!', Dave's ex-wife said with a bit of triumph and lots of disrespect.

All three, the doctor, the owner's son, and the ex-wife now find themselves, blind folded, tied up, and gagged. Early on Dave had them say 'Sorry Dave' over and over and over again. It fell on deaf ears. Dave wasn't having any of it. He poured the gasoline and lit it up.

Who's sorry now? Certainly not Dave.

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My other category challenge posts:

* Movies & TV - http://personapaper.com/article/25292-dubbed-movies-and-tv-series---movies--tv-category-challenge

* Health & Fitness - http://personapaper.com/article/25285-i-ran-for-school-rooms---fbf--category-challenge-post

* Book - http://personapaper.com/article/25276-raiding-my-cousins-book-shelf


Image Credit » http://pixabay.com/en/sorry-excuse-me-wood-229978/ by bykst

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Comments

lookatdesktop wrote on February 21, 2015, 8:45 PM

I feel like I have just read the script for the opening scene for "Criminal Minds."

wolfgirl569 wrote on February 21, 2015, 9:45 PM

Sounds like the start of a good movie script. Maybe try making it longer and then submitting it

Feisty56 wrote on February 22, 2015, 7:27 AM

Dark, dark, dark...and just when I begin to feel sorry for Dave, he turns into a mass murderer. Yikes!

Ellis wrote on February 22, 2015, 7:46 AM

Very good...only thing I ought to point out is she wouldn't be his ex-wife...she would still be his wife...

GemstonePink wrote on February 22, 2015, 3:40 PM

Very well done my friend. Apparently, revenge is best served hot in this case. A good read that hooks the reader from the start!

msiduri wrote on February 22, 2015, 4:52 PM

A good idea. Since you invited critiques: I would work a little on sharpening the writing, though, perhaps focusing more on action particularly in the last paragraphs.

allen0187 wrote on February 23, 2015, 12:13 AM

Thanks for that msiduri . Will definitely try to rewrite this and keep that in mind.

crowntower wrote on February 23, 2015, 8:34 AM

I think it is Dave who really turns into a big loser and defeated. I know it is really hard to live when everything seems are falling apart. I've been there and I really want to throw them all on fire. But one thing that God reminds me, if I revenge on those people, and those people cry out to Him because of me, He will surely avenge for those people, and He will surely punished me for that. So I decided to overcome my circumstances and bite my tongue and close my eyes from those evil people, and ask God help me not to be a monster like them.