This just in: I did not die, I just feel like I did!
I have been gone for a long time from here and I am struggling to get back to being here everyday. To be anywhere everyday. To WAKE UP everyday!
OK that was dramatic but, on January 13, I came down with a horrendous illness. It was like the flu on steroids (which, ironically, I am taking now). I was so sick that I didn't even have the ability to move. I laid in bed shaking with chills as my fever soared . My throat was shredded. Fluid poured down from my sinuses and nose like a faucet on high. My head pounded. I was weak, I coughed until I nearly threw up.
My fever reached 104 degrees at one point and I was almost ready to go to the ER. Eventually I was able to crawl to my doctor's who said I had the flu as well as strep throat, bronchitis and a possible ear infection. The next day I saw my ENT because my left ear was plugging up and my other doctor saw wax in there. It wasn't wax causing the ear to plug. It was fluid. And I still cannot hear out of that ear today.
It took over three weeks for me to start to feel slightly better. Then it seemed to start over. Not with as much intensity but my nose is running and I am getting drainage everywhere again. And still...my ear is shut like a brick door.
I have been on three antibiotics, decongestants, antihistamines, three different nasal sprays (still am), the usual array of fever reducers, have been doing lymphatic massage to open up my sinuses and ear, and am now taking steroids. I left the house four times since I got sick - all to go to a doctor's office.
Since I am quite hearing impaired as it is, losing the hearing in the better of my two ears is pretty depressing and traumatic. Today I was told I should get cochlear implants in both ears. That means my hearing is so bad that it is useless and nothing can be done. It also means that any hearing I have would be permanently destroyed and an implant surgically placed in my ear. Which could fail, not work right, cause dizziness , and takes a long time to adjust to as sounds are not like real sounds. You have to relearn them.
I'm not ready for that and I won't be ready for that until I am ready for that.
I will just sit here and hope that time and steroids as well as a little doodad that I am going to get called an Ear Popper (by prescription only but I have to pay $200 because my insurance won't cover it) will help me. The next step is to surgically implant a tube in my eardrum. I had that done once. My hearing got drastically WORSE. So, yeah, I am pretty much out of options at this point.
But enough about me. I just wanted to explain why I wasn't here. I looked around and experimented at CGP (Looking like another rip off site) and saw some other sites that I didn't like but I basically have been vegging out, trying not to think of my future.
But I am back and darn it, I am not going to run away again. I like it here and enjoy reading what you have to say. I took down all my Bubblews posts except for 15 - all related to the site - and will, over time, post a few of the deleted ones here that I feel are of interest and value, no doubt changed and rewritten so much that they aren't even the same posts at all. And I will also write about what's going on in my life as well as whatever pops into my mind. Lots of stuff has. I just didn't feel like putting forth the effort to write it down.
Now I am off to read what you guys are saying and to try to feel human. Where are my tissues again? Oh, here they are. Ok, I'm ready to get down to work. :)
Image Credit » Photo: http://pixabay.com/en/sleeping-bed-pillow-blankets-woman-33381