By in Random

No Excuse for Discrimination

I read an article about abuse that addresses the idea that children who are abused grow up to be abusers, and I agree with the author that while this is common, it is also a cop-out. Kids know they've been treated badly and that it's wrong; therefore they certainly know better than to do such things to their own children. The cycle of abuse should stop, then, if they were to act rationally. Unfortunately, a lot of people can't deal effectively with the pain and pass it along, which is why the cycle tends to repeat.

It made me think about discrimination--racism, sexism, and other kinds of bigotry--and how it is so shocking to find that some of the communities that have suffered badly from discrimination don't hesitate to hand it out, themselves. For example, I am white and my husband is Asian (specifically, he is from Japan). I find this fairly unremarkable beyond the fact that I enjoyed visiting Japan and learning about his home culture, but some people seemed to have issues with our mixed marriage. The weird thing is that a lot of those people were black. One of my black friends, Don, specifically said the races "shouldn't mix." That floored me.

Why would he think that? People are people, and skin color is, quite literally, on the surface. That is, of course, an argument against discrimination in general, but what really shocked me is that someone who is considered a "minority" would have the same attitude as the backward folks who actually made mixed-race marriages ILLEGAL in our country until not long ago. I guess I can't say for sure that Don faced discrimination in his life just because he is black, but it's pretty likely. It's also guaranteed that he knows someone or is even related to someone who has. So, knowing how bad it feels, why would he do the same thing? Now, he never said anything beyond that, and he continued to be friends with me--he wasn't at all hateful. But some people are.

I have some gay friends who are also Latino and some who are black, and they say they feel comfortable with their white friends, but they would be terrified to come out to their families, because being gay is considered quite reprehensible in the black and Latino communities. Once again, people who have had their share of having been discriminated against, whom you would think would be sympathetic about how bad that feels, are handing it out, as well. It's quite sad, and we need to learn from experience not to pass along hurt.

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MelissaE wrote on February 16, 2015, 7:21 PM

Thank you for a thought-provoking article.

maxeen wrote on February 16, 2015, 7:24 PM

I have had a friend for many years,a few months ago her partner,in my house ,during conversation said outright 'I don't like .........people' Now I am too soft to even say the people he doesn't like but Paul and I were shocked,especially as our Grandson is the son of one of the people he doesn't like....The next day I was wondering how the 'not like'person would cope if all of my family were present:Daughter-in-law Japanese,sister-in-law from Thailand ,Nephew Thailand,son-in -law African,nephews Australian,Cousin French-Canadian,Many,many more from everywhere but at least 2 members from Japan.

Ellis wrote on February 16, 2015, 8:33 PM

Knowing you had a mixed marriage it was rather rude of him to say that to you....but I suppose he is entitled to his opinion...maybe he simply meant he'd prefer to marry within his own which case, is that racist?

CoralLevang wrote on February 16, 2015, 10:12 PM

This is a BRILLIANT article and it made me love you even more than I already have. Sing it, sister!!

Ruby3881 wrote on February 16, 2015, 10:34 PM

Breaking the cycle isn't easy. But yes, it's something we should all strive for.

snerfu wrote on February 16, 2015, 10:53 PM

Times change and many beliefs we once had have disappeared. One must learn to live with the new systems and fashions.

wolfgirl569 wrote on February 16, 2015, 10:55 PM

That is a very good point that I dont think people think about very often. Minorities dont look at it the other way sometimes

Soonerdad3 wrote on February 16, 2015, 11:15 PM

Discrimination is discrimination and no one ethnicity is immune from having bigoted thoughts.

bestwriter wrote on February 16, 2015, 11:41 PM

Persona could teach a thing or two about how skin has nothing to do with our intellect, our taste and our ability to communicate.

BarbRad wrote on February 17, 2015, 1:02 AM

I spent years in a primarily Oriental church that was about half Oriental and half black, with most of the adults being Oriental and most of the Sunday School black, since the neighborhood was changing. A lot of inter-racial marriages occurred among church members in the younger generation, and their parents were not happy. (And, I might add, were also not church members. They had sent their children there to meet other Chinese, since the core membership was Chinese.) I can tell you that there was family pressure on Chinese and Japanese members to marry only within their culture and parents weren't happy if they intermarried even within their race. The second and third generation Americans were much more open to marrying outside their race, and we had Chinese girls who married Caucasian men. Many Chinese men preferred to marry Japanese or Caucasian women because they felt the Chinese were too aggressive for them.

cheri wrote on February 17, 2015, 1:54 AM

What we teach the children they learn it and they live with it so if they learn violence, they will carry it through their lifetime.

Hollyhocks100 wrote on February 17, 2015, 7:05 AM

You would think in this day and age people would be more accepting, but some aren´t and never will be. It´s a shame.

DarkSinistar wrote on February 17, 2015, 7:10 AM

I think as racism fades from our society, discrimination against "race mixing" will be one of the last things to go. It is really crazy because in reality we are all the same race -- human -- and we should each have the right to make our own choices without being judged. But sadly we really have a long way to go before we become the enlightened civilization that truly lives as one race despite variations of skin pigmentation.

roxy7699 wrote on February 17, 2015, 9:11 AM

Quite often it's a mind set in built from previous generations, it can take a lot to break the cycle. Not a justification by any means but it happens.

crowntower wrote on February 17, 2015, 10:24 AM

I don't think we have problems in mixed marriage... As long as you respect and love each other and be a good parents to your kids and be responsible for your family, I think that is the sweetest and a very cute and love story... heheheh imagine when you were young you don't think that your prince is so far away like a continent away from you. Lol! I think people who feel bad about themselves and never get over it will surely be a little harsh to others. Don't mind them, and just understand and have pity on them. emoticon :grin: Well about gays... we should not really tolerate it as God wants them to overcome their own trials. It is just like a single woman who fell inlove with a married man, the feeling is intense but it can't be because if it is true love we will not drag someone to a wrong relationship, but we always think of their best life. same with the gays. I hope people don't get mad at me again when they read this message of mine. But there is no one who obey God who become sad at the end but everyone got peace and have true joy in their hearts.

GemOfAGirl wrote on February 17, 2015, 3:06 PM

Once again, you've inspired me, Ms. !

WordChazer wrote on February 17, 2015, 3:26 PM

We have a really great, positive, friendly racial mix in our immediate neighbors, and for that I am grateful. We are Brit, Japanese, Thai, Spanish, Hungarian, Polish and South African (that I can remember). We all live close by in the same street and help each other out as needed. My work colleagues are even more mixed, as the NHS itself is, and I value that diversity.

buzymommy wrote on February 19, 2015, 4:10 PM

The ironic thing is often times it's the "white" being told they are racist, when in your experience and stories it seems they are the ones more accepting of everything.

I have no idea why people who are discriminated against choose to continue to do so to others. Everyone has their own mindset I guess and they must have it in their head that A+B is ok but A+C is not. Regardless of race, many people in this world need to open up their minds a little bit, that's for sure.

buzymommy wrote on February 19, 2015, 4:12 PM

That is definitely not racist :) I mean we all prefer what we prefer. Some people prefer blonds - is that racist? Nope, just what they like. I have a feeling you were just being hypothetical though :)

scheng1 wrote on February 20, 2015, 1:51 AM

this shows that religious teaching is on the decline. If kids pay more attention to religious teachings, at least they will learn to forego their hatred.

nbaquero wrote on February 20, 2015, 7:57 AM

AliCanary You are right in your assesment, I am hispanic and our culture is very conservative and tends to resist change. This is especially evident in older generations.