A tough decision
I am huge thinker, I have lots of ideas constantly whirring around in my head from stories to big grand ideas or solutions to problems I could never in reality achieve. so I have always longed to find the idea or solution I could make a reality.
Because of this I have fluttered from one project to another in most of the things i have attempted when they have gone well I have panicked, hit the self destruct button and moved on or abandoned them as soon as it became clear i didn't have the necessary skills or resources to achieve what I wanted to do so again moved swiftly on too the next project.
I recently had that one idea I have been looking for I have sat down and worked out that if i approach it in the right way, find the right people to get involved it could just work. If it does it could change mine and the childrens lives for the better.
Here is where I have to make a tough decision in order to work this will have to take over my life for a couple of years. I need to push all off my skills to the limits,
find a very specific group of people willing to help me gather the data I need,
sort the data test the theory with the data group to tweak and perfect it.
Then I'll have to find a second group of people teach them a new skill then test the theory with them to see if it truly works.
During this first stage I will also have to save every penny I can to fund the next stage and approach the people who can help me take it forward.
In order to do all of this I will have to step back and tell my family I can't care for my sister full time anymore the fall out of which will be huge. As much as I love my family they are always the first to rub my past failures in my face to remind me that I ultimately haven't succeeded at anything in the past.
My sisters will give me a hard time for leaving it all down to mum when I don't work and won't be getting paid for this either. In all honesty I don't even want to tell them what I have planned and I already feel guilty for even thinking of stepping down as a carer.
So do I drop all the little projects I have in the works and my sister to chase a dream?
Or do I carry on walking the path I'm on?
Of course only I can answer that question in the end. but at this moment in time I just need to put the question out there.