By in Personal

I Don't Want An Empty Funeral

My Dad and I were supposed to go to a funeral today for my cousin-in-law who was killed a few days ago in a head on collision, it was the other driver's fault, it sounds like they crossed a median and plowed right into my cousin. The guy who was at fault is of course still alive in the hospital, if I sound a bit bitter, it's because I am. Where the funeral was being held was about 45 minutes away from where we live. My Dad had gone in ahead of me because I was putting on my last bit of makeup, when he came back out and said that he had gotten the attention of a few people and waved, but that there was no room to sit. People were starting to stand outside. And my Dad he's in his 70's, so when he said that he wanted to leave, I didn't try to go against him. My Dad had a death blow early on in life when his father passed away in a car crash/drowning, when my Dad was only 9 years old. So I feel that this would have put a lot of stress on him, and he's always stressed out, I didn't want to add more to him. Although I did want to stay and pay my respects. I had mentally prepared myself for being able to go, because funerals, as you know are just difficult, especially when they are tragic and quick ends that nobody expects. So I still just feel like I didn't get the chance to be there for my family. I just feel guilty.

I had told my Dad that I hoped that at our funerals that we have that many people that come to pay their respects, but my Dad was saying that he didn't want a funeral, and that nobody was going to be left alive that would go to his funeral or my mother's, which just sounded so awful to me. But maybe he's right, I guess the older you get the more your family and friends tend to die off or move super far away. Maybe when I'm dead I'll be the only one at my funeral, I'd like to think that won't be the case. But in most cases when there are big attendances at a funeral someone died young, or was either the matriarchal or patriarchal boss of a very large family.

My Mom made me feel sort of selfish when I talked about wanting to have lots of people show up for my funeral, she's like you won't be there. How does she know, I'd like to think you'd be able to somehow get a feeling or sense of what was going on. Would you want nobody to show up to your funeral?

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Galeforcewinds wrote on February 8, 2015, 5:57 PM

Well, to be perfectly honest with you, my Mom, my brother and myself have had this conversation and we are already in talks and plans to have our bodies donated to science as a teaching corpse. No funerals, no memorials. Nothing, just ashes when they are finished and cremate the body.

lucyluuk wrote on February 8, 2015, 6:10 PM

I am sorry for your loss, I have not thought that far ahead (at least I hope it is that far ahead!!)

My grandfather had a huge congregation at his funeral, he was a very popular well thought of man, he was also one of 10 children so had many many nieces and nephews. I am sure if/when I have a funeral there will be a handful of people I have a daughter so hopefully I will die old and she will be there but who knows what any of our future holds, we just have to make the most of each day we are given.

allen0187 wrote on February 8, 2015, 7:14 PM

First off, sorry for the loss. I understand the feeling of resentment and bitterness. Truth be told, those are the only two emotions I have right now plus a bunch of other negative emotions.

On a lighter side, I want my funeral to be short but would have a party vibe. I want to put the 'fun' in 'funeral'. Seriously.

melon1234 wrote on February 10, 2015, 9:49 PM

I don't want an empty funeral either, I believe you would know I don't think you just disappear. I'm sorry for your loss and it's good there was a good turnout

seren3 wrote on February 13, 2015, 2:50 PM

I surely wouldn't. Then, I'm not sure I want anything beyond hopefully a memorial gathering with family and friends.
My dad out-lived all his friends - there was no one left to come to his memorial service.

cheri wrote on February 28, 2015, 5:45 AM

I don't mind having an empty funeral when I go as long as it will only be attended by people who truly care when i was still alive.

PriscillaKing wrote on August 17, 2015, 8:06 AM

I think funerals are for the living; if I did know what was going on I'd probably not want to attend my own memorial service, but if any relatives want to hold one, they should feel free to carry on and not mind me.

LeaPea2417 wrote on December 14, 2015, 9:54 PM

I am so sorry about your loss and it is not fair. May he rest in peace. It wouldn't matter to me how many came to my funeral.