Ignatius Repugnant SuckYouDry
I have a favorite commercial for a local nursery I hear day after day on my local radio station. It’s modeled on the old melodramas and begins with a maiden in distress being told she must pay and she keeps repeating that she can’t pay. “I’ll go out of business first. “
To the rescue comes a gallant man who tells the fiend to “Unhand that woman and tell me who you are and what this is all about. “
He replies that he is Ignatius Repugnant SuckYouDry, “but you can call me by my initials, I.R.S. This woman owes me money and she must pay.”
Her rescuer is named Peter PlantRight, a loyal customer, and as the two men argue, Peter keeps addressing the villain as Iris, and the villian keeps shouting back at him “Not Iris. I. R. S.”
There is, of course, much more to this drama that advertises the nursery whose out of business sale has been going on since at least June. Even then the plants looked half dead and the sacks of soil supplements and nutrients looked as though they had been through several rain storms after we’d been through almost a year of drought. I had been planning to patronize them, but their sale prices were as high as the normal prices of OSH across the street and Farm Supply almost next door. I went away empty-handed.
I love the commercial, and wish they had something I wanted to buy at a price I could afford. I suspect the real reason they are going out of business is the new competition from Farm Supply, which moved in after the first of the year. After all, who wants to pay more for brownish, drooping plants when fresh healthy ones are available three doors down for less. Since I also have to pay I.R.S. every year, I have to watch every penny, lest I not be able to pay him either.
B. Radisavljevic, ©2013 All Rights Reserved
Image Credit » Photo by Stuart Miles, http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/Finance_g198-Tax_Dollars_Shows_Irs_Taxation_Payment_Due_p146079.html