By in Animals

The Poop on the Words I Had with Debbi, by Guiness the Cat

Hello, it's me, Guiness the Cat.

Debbi and I exchanged some words last night.

She started it.

She was the one who brought it up. "We need to have a discussion about toilet paper," she said.

Personally, I don't see any point in wasting money on toilet paper when the middle of the living room floor works just fine for free. And why does she always wait until bedtime snack time to start on this stuff? And then she whines that she needs to go night-night.

I had some pretty choice words for her about what she did with those wet paper towels. And I'm not talking about the ones she cleaned the floor with. I let her know in no uncertain terms what I thought about her behavior. And then she had the audacity to say that she's glad I'm docile. Docile! Ha! I'll show her docile right after my nap!

She also had the nerve to bring up the B-word. You know, the four-letter one associated with "bucket" and "shampoo" and "You need a nice long soak".

That's on her to-do list for this afternoon, but I'm going to mark it off while she's cleaning the litter box. That is a clear violation of the terms and conditions of the Professional Cat Bloggers Association. I know, because I wrote the terms and conditions of the Professional Cat Bloggers Association. I am, after, President of the .

In the meantime, I'm laying low and being unobtrusive.

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

***

Content (c) 2015 by Guiness the Cat. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved, and all that other stuff humans say.


Image Credit » Photo (c) 2015 Debbi Craton. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved.

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Comments

catsholiday wrote on January 24, 2015, 3:48 PM

Naughty Guiness -I would be very cross with our cats if they behaved like that too. Ours are very well trained and use outside!

Kasman wrote on January 24, 2015, 4:20 PM

Hah! As President and sole member of the Association of Bloggers against Cat Power I can only applaud your owner's (yes, that's right, 'owner') diligence in correcting you about your animalistic toilet habits. Some chance of taking over the Earth when you can't even wipe your own a**! emoticon :smile:

wolfgirl569 wrote on January 24, 2015, 4:40 PM

Bad Guiness, my cats have to take their baths also.

celticeagle wrote on January 24, 2015, 4:55 PM

Oh, no. Guiness is in trouble. Ours have their potty. We have one that has been doing some peeing but he got chastised severely and hasn't again.

DWDavisRSL wrote on January 24, 2015, 5:16 PM

I have never given a cat a bath and I never will. I am too fond of my epidermis.

carolscash wrote on January 24, 2015, 5:23 PM

Well, it sounds like Guiness, that Debbie is going to have to do something to control you a little better.

WordChazer wrote on January 24, 2015, 6:47 PM

Guinesssssss. What have you been up to since I took my eye off you?! No wonder Debbi needed to use wet paper towels. You're lucky she didn't just stick you under the shower and hose you right off. I would have...! Floors are for humans to walk on, not enormous kitty litter trays. That's what litter trays are for, or the garden, if you're allowed out.

chrisandmark wrote on January 24, 2015, 7:32 PM

Guinness, I'm afraid you would be an outdoor cat if you pooped on my floor emoticon :smile:

BarbRad wrote on January 24, 2015, 10:11 PM

This is why all our cats have been outdoor cats who occasionally can come in. All two cats who officially belonged to our household instead of someone else's.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 25, 2015, 12:17 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. It was nothing a little spray cleaner and a few paper towels didn't fix. The floor needs mopping anyway.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 25, 2015, 12:19 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. It's not my fault a little got stuck in a very inconvenient place.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 25, 2015, 12:20 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. I did wipe it. That's what she was complaining about. Meow. Humans!

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 25, 2015, 12:21 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. I'm perfectly capable of cleaning myself up. That's what I was doing on the floor.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 25, 2015, 12:23 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. It's not my fault what was supposed to go in the potty didn't stay there.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 25, 2015, 12:25 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. Debbi keeps calling me embarrassing words like "docile" and "easy" and bragging to people what a good boy I am. She's ruining my reputation as a cat.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 25, 2015, 12:26 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. I happen to have everything under control.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 25, 2015, 12:28 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. She DID stick me under the shower and hose me off. And I'll have a word or two or two hundred to say about the pictures, too. But first I have to finish rebathing myself.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 25, 2015, 12:30 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. I did not poop on the floor. I just wiped my rear end there.

PageantEnthusiast wrote on January 25, 2015, 3:00 AM

I totally love the name. I thought your cat was in Guiness Book of Records! Haha! Maybe I could borrow your cat's name soon to my future pet.

frenchtoast78 wrote on January 25, 2015, 8:46 AM

As always I find you so amusing, so cute cat. But I don't appreciate the poop in my living room though lol.

LilyDay wrote on January 25, 2015, 11:06 AM

Oh, Guiness... I saw the photos of the aftermath of your bath. The Fuzzy Trio were horrified that you had endured such a thing... and were worried that those images might give me some ideas about subjecting them to such things.

j2jworkz wrote on January 25, 2015, 11:42 AM

I'm with you G re: the B word - the Fluff.

mrsmerlin wrote on January 25, 2015, 2:44 PM

lol I used to have a cat very much like Guiness - rather than do what she was told she was more fond of taking a number and getting back to us if she felt like it

BNelson wrote on January 25, 2015, 11:58 PM

Sorry I saw pictures of you after your bath, I felt so bad for you.

GemOfAGirl wrote on January 26, 2015, 12:44 AM

I was just going through Debbi's profile the other day, and I saw that you hadn't blogged for us in awhile - it's good to see that you're back to your sly kitty ways!

I never had the audacity to give my Bob the Cat a bath. I like my arms. I didn't feel like losing them to my un-declawed feline friend. Luckily for me, he always kept himself very clean, and he was never smelly (except for those occasions when he sometimes emitted some kitty farts. But I think that that was him just offering his opinion, and wasn't a true reflection of his cleanliness.)

HappyLady wrote on January 26, 2015, 7:01 PM

Ah Guinness, there you are! I do not understand what Debi was on about at all. Just use the cat flap like I do. Human 1 is away so I had to type using my paws. Love from Freya, the Catblog Cat.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 26, 2015, 9:45 PM

This is Guiness the Cat. Debbi says I ought to be in the Guinness Book of Records as Most Docile Cat, but do NOT believe her. I am NOT docile.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 26, 2015, 9:46 PM

This is Guiness the Cat. But it was right in the walkway where Debbi would be sure to see it. I'm considerate like that. That's where I usually puke, too. I'm such a good kitty.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 26, 2015, 9:47 PM

This is Guiness the Cat. Run for your lives, Fuzzy Trio!

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 26, 2015, 9:48 PM

This is Guiness the Cat. Finally somebody on MY side. It's about time. Would you believe my human tried to wash off my fluffiness?

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 26, 2015, 9:49 PM

This is Guiness the Cat. That sounds positively feline of her. Good girl!

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 26, 2015, 9:49 PM

This is Guiness the Cat. You should. It was an outrage.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 26, 2015, 9:51 PM

This is Guiness the Cat. I've been very inconvenienced by Debbi's schedule of late. I don't know why she doesn't let me have free reign on the computer when she's off of it.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 26, 2015, 9:53 PM

Dear Freya the Catblog Cat,

I don't have a cat flap. Anyway, why would I want to wipe outside when I can wipe in the middle of the living room floor?

Sincerely, Guiness the Formerly Fluffy Cat

LilyDay wrote on January 26, 2015, 10:56 PM

Guiness, they needn't worry. I have no desire for a blood transfusion, which I may very well need if I try such a thing.

Feisty56 wrote on January 27, 2015, 12:03 AM

You, unobtrusive? I don't think you have an unobtrusive bone in your body. It's just not your style.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on January 27, 2015, 12:12 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. Ha! You should just watch me sleep! Then you'll see just how unobtrusive I can be. (Especially if I'm literally right under your nose.)

LindaCPearson wrote on February 6, 2015, 8:39 AM

Hi Guiness. It's Mildred. I'm not sure what it is with humans and toilet paper, but I know my mom is a big toilet paper fan. Whenever she sees those humongous 20-roll packs on sale at the store, she stocks up. Believe you me, we have more toilet paper stocked up here than any reasonable human should ever need!

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on February 7, 2015, 2:27 PM

Dear Mildred the Cat,

You wouldn't believe how much toilet paper Debbi has stockpiled. I fail to see that fascination. The floor is so much more convenient.

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

GemstonePink wrote on February 19, 2015, 7:28 PM

I read your other post, and Debbi found you and dunked you. You poor baby.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on February 20, 2015, 12:11 AM

This is Guiness the Cat. Poor, poor pitiful me.