The strange things we dream about
Last night I had a dream where my gran died. In reality, she died 10 years ago. She was in her nineties, very frail and was in a care home, suffering from dementia. Although deaths are always sad, it was kind of inevitable in this case.
But in last night's dream, my gran didn't die in the care home, nor did she have dementia. She was like the gran I remember from being a kid, surprisingly active and full of fun, and the death was very sudden and shocking. In the dream we are all really shocked, upset and disbelieving. There was actually a part that I remember really clearly where I picked up her scarf and sniffed it because I wanted to remember the smell of her.
I felt quite shaken when I woke up and I feel a little emotional today. It made me think that perhaps I didn't grieve properly over my gran's death because of the inevitability of it and because it seemed almost like a blessing, and by then I hadn't seen her for some time. Perhaps I needed to grieve for how Gran used to be before dementia changed her, the happy, lovely gran that I absolutely adored. That is how I have always chosen to remember her.
Image Credit » Pic is my own