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The strange things we dream about

Last night I had a dream where my gran died. In reality, she died 10 years ago. She was in her nineties, very frail and was in a care home, suffering from dementia. Although deaths are always sad, it was kind of inevitable in this case.

But in last night's dream, my gran didn't die in the care home, nor did she have dementia. She was like the gran I remember from being a kid, surprisingly active and full of fun, and the death was very sudden and shocking. In the dream we are all really shocked, upset and disbelieving. There was actually a part that I remember really clearly where I picked up her scarf and sniffed it because I wanted to remember the smell of her.

I felt quite shaken when I woke up and I feel a little emotional today. It made me think that perhaps I didn't grieve properly over my gran's death because of the inevitability of it and because it seemed almost like a blessing, and by then I hadn't seen her for some time. Perhaps I needed to grieve for how Gran used to be before dementia changed her, the happy, lovely gran that I absolutely adored. That is how I have always chosen to remember her.


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Comments

Secre wrote on January 14, 2015, 7:06 AM

I think this is how we should remember those we love; not as they were at their worst but as they were at their best. Dementia and old age takes so much from people.

Hollyhocks100 wrote on January 14, 2015, 7:18 AM

Dreams like that stay with you for such a long time and they are upsetting. I do believe that our loved one´s often come back to us in dreams, if this is the case with your gran, maybe you should take it as a sign that she is no longer suffering, and is back to the way you remember her the best.

j2401 wrote on January 14, 2015, 7:57 AM

Its odd how dreams seem to stay with us after we wake.

kat123456 wrote on January 14, 2015, 10:24 AM

Dreams can really shake you up some times and this one has clearly had an effect on you. I felt the same when my nan died as she had been in a lot of pain but always remember the nan from my childhood

LilyDay wrote on January 14, 2015, 11:18 AM

I have had dreams like that before. My grandmother, too, had dementia during the last several years of her life; her's was due to Parkinson's.

caretakerray wrote on January 14, 2015, 12:50 PM

Some say dreams are an interpretation of random nerve firing. But I believe dreams talk to us. Maybe you were just remembering your Gran.

zabelle51 wrote on January 14, 2015, 1:57 PM

I think you may be right in your thinking. Dreams help us work our unresolved issues in our lives and deep inside you may need to mourn your childhood grandma. Good luck. :)

k2705 wrote on January 14, 2015, 3:25 PM

I think remeber how she was is the best thing I'm sure it's what she would have wanted. Some dreams do stay with you brought the day.

happynutritionist wrote on January 14, 2015, 4:17 PM

I don't remember my dreams very much...recently more because of medication I am on. At least it was the good part of her life you remembered, though it may have felt unsettling.

Kenr61 wrote on January 15, 2015, 10:58 AM

Dreams can carry powerful emotions with them. I've experienced it too. Maybe, deep down you did mourn properly as we all handle loss in a different way. At that time in your life, maybe to remember her as a vibrant, younger grand-mother would have been too painful and you eased the pain by thinking that she was no longer suffering. I think your dream came to you as a way to say you are ready now to remember her in the way you wanted to and yet not be overcome by your grief.
One thing I found interesting is you mentioned in the dream picking up and sniffing her scarf to remember her on a more personal level. You never mentioned if when you woke up, did you actually 'sense' what her scent smelled like? I've had dreams so vivid that I did remember.

grandma20121 wrote on January 15, 2015, 2:49 PM

To me it sounds like you were not ready to let her go perhaps it was surprising to you back 10 years ago because we are mentally never ready to see our loved ones go.

Telynor wrote on January 15, 2015, 11:02 PM

Lately I have been having dreams where my mother and grandmother are with me. It's very odd, considering that my mother and I had the relationship from hell.

AudreyHowitt wrote on January 29, 2015, 8:53 PM

Grief happens over time and even as far out as 10 years, we can still grieve--it sounds like you love her very much!