I Don't Speak "Corporate-ese"
After repeated email entreaties sent supposedly on behalf of my friends (but really just data-mined from my address book), I finally inflicted Linked In upon myself. I have actually found it to be a pleasant little site, and although it hasn't been terribly useful so far for networking purposes, it occurs to me that I would actually have to try using it for networking purposes for that to pan out.
This is not really a review of Linked In, so don't get excited. One of the things that Linked In does, though, that amuses me is to send me email notices about potential jobs, the overwhelming bulk of which I am hilariously under-qualified for. However, I noticed this last batch contained a posting from a company at which my best friend works, so I checked it out to see if he might be interested. This excerpt is quoted VERBATIM from the posting:
"This individual will champion the product development process in predictable project execution to drive world-class product development time, product cost, and quality. The individual we seek has solid experience leading cross-functional teams through the full product development lifecycle.
Key Tasks and Responsibilities: Facilitates the definition of the program schedule. Executes and manages the schedule and risk mitigation elements of the project. Works with the project team to enable the success of the project and sub-projects within the product timeline. Emphasis on good stewardship of team resources.
Defines, communicates and closes the gap between customer expectations and actual schedule. Communicates the project status to the business unit, the team, the strategic marketing organization and the customer."
(I hope quoting a source without giving credit is not viewed as plagiarism. I don't want to knock the company by name. I promise I would NEVER take credit for writing THAT, anyway.)
Seriously, what the hell? I'm a reasonably intelligent adult--college graduate--okay, it was art school--but for crying out loud, WHY make things so deliberately difficult? Is it to force potential candidates to read more slowly, and thus pay more attention or take it more seriously? Do you think the person actually TALKS like this? Listen, if any of you think that stuffing your writing with deliberately specialized or rarefied terms makes you sound more intelligent, please disabuse yourself of that notion with a quickness. People who find it HARD to read you will not BOTHER to read you. Point taken?
Now close the predictable project execution and serve us up a heaping helping of risk mitigation elements. I'm starving!
Image Credit » http://pixabay.com/en/corporate-skyscraper-windows-387601/