By in Humor

Interview With The Gods - Mammon

Jack Luckhold (TV presenter) - Welcome boys and girls, to another interview with a real God, or possibly another demon in this case as my guest this week is the real power behind my salary – Mammon. Welcome, friend.

Mammon – Thanks. Say, Buddy, could you spare me a few dimes towards a cup of coffee?

Jack – You are joking, I hope?

Mammon – had you going there for a second didn’t I Jack?

Jack – You sure did. Now seriously, what is it like being the God of wealth & capital?

Mammon – not as sweet as you’d think. Religionists tell their followers not to worship me while amassing their own fortunes; I’m seen as the root of all evil, and socialists hold me in great contempt too.

Jack – Isn’t it the case that you put too much money in too few hands? Would it hurt to redistribute some of it to the poor and really needy, instead of the affluent & greedy?

Mammon – I’m the God of money – not of the people who want it. I just make sure the money itself is happy and flowing round – it’s effect on the people who have it, need it or hate it isn’t my concern.

Jack – isn’t that rather callous and insensitive?

Mammon – Hell, no. A God of mountains causes avalanches whether or not people are in the way. It’s mountains he cares about – not people. Same with money – my job is to make money generate more money – who gets it or doesn’t get it is not my concern.

Jack – but without people there would be no money. There’s only people who need to save or spend money.

Mammon – very true, but money is a force that moves and changes the world – my job is to watch over that. Caring about people is another department. Do you think your dollars care whether they are in your pocket or the till at a bar, or in the purse of one of those gold-diggers you visit?

Jack – OK, moving swiftly on. Are you a God or a devil?

Mammon – depends who says. Jesus slags me off in his Sermon On The Mount, but who paid for the people to travel there, and eat?

Jack – You look rather wolf-like. Is it true you live in a cave?

Mammon – Of course – where better to hide the real money. I don’t trust banks. They believe too much in me and they end up going bust too easily.

Jack – Would you say you’re a miser and a hoarder?

Mammon – I need to be – more and more money will find its way to me and I feed on the souls of those who bring it.

Jack – Isn’t it true that getting to Heaven for the rich is harder than getting a camel through a needle’s eye?

Mammon – Not when you can afford a giant golden needle and have the power to shrink a camel like I can.

Jack – They say money can’t buy you happiness.

Mammon – money can buy you caviar and whisky and a night in the red light district to compensate for that though.

Jack – There are whole nations starving – why is so much money in American hands?

Mammon – feel free to mail your wages to Uganda any time Jack. I’m not stopping you. You could replace your stretch-limo with an old Cadialac any time. I don’t deal with your morals; just the capital.

Jack – but you’ll eat my soul if I die rich?

Mammon – Human souls tend to glue themselves to the money and gold. I have to lick them off the wealth. I can take an eternity. If you let go of the money in time, I can’t get you. It’s that simple – it’s all down to time.

Jack – Talking of time, that’s it for this week. See you next time folks, hopefully with a nicer God.

Mammon – hey; that’s not fai….

Arthur Chappell

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Feisty56 wrote on January 6, 2015, 9:48 AM

Most interesting dialogue. You've raised some thought-provoking ideas here. As much as I'd prefer not to be on the same page as Mammon, I will agree that money itself has no conscience. It is the holder or acquirer of the money who has the moral and ethical dilemma of how best to put it to use.

Kat- wrote on January 6, 2015, 10:02 AM

Interesting, Mammon points out perfectly that we control how we react to wealth and money. We choose where it goes and what we spend it on for the most part, at least our free money that isn't for necessities.

msiduri wrote on January 6, 2015, 10:17 AM

There's an old saw about money being a good servant but a bad master. I think this is idea you've got going here.

celticeagle wrote on January 6, 2015, 12:57 PM

I will think about all. lhis and et back to you Interesting.

BodieMor wrote on January 6, 2015, 8:05 PM

This is brilliant! I can see I will have to stay abreast of your posts...