By in Humor

Dumb Stuff I Have Observed, Part Deux (Prounounced "Duh")

1. If you don't process metaphors well, the phrase "Jack Frost nipping at your nose" takes on rather disturbing implications.

2. I think Christmas light displays are exactly like karaoke singers: The really good ones are very enjoyable, but even the really bad ones are still quite entertaining!

3. Jar Jar Binks was an annoying character, but the one thing about him I liked was his sense of propriety. I mean, "How rude!" Hee.

4. It's kind of fun, provided you have absolutely nothing else of importance to do, to type curse words into MS Word and see which ones it accepts as being 'real' (correctly spelled) words. Think about the implications of someone's having added all those words to the program's vocabulary so that people who frequently type them will not become annoyed at false alerts!

5. The Junior League is not to be confused with Little League. But the potential for hilarity is certainly there!

6. Never buy the smallest size shredder.

7. Whenever I am about to finish a roll of toilet paper, I always restrain myself and leave those last two little "emergency squares", just in case I forget to bring a fresh roll. Like those two little squares are going to be of any help! And I always remember to bring the new roll, but just let me forget the emergency squares ONCE...

8. Okay, I know "codswollop" means 'nonsense', but what the heck is codswollop, actually? I know what bullshit is. Is codswollop fish poop?

9. Apparently, cat vomit contains a special enzyme that renders it completely invisible to everyone in the house but me. I am also the sole possessor of Dust Vision and Toilet Odor Perception.

Here's more Dumb Stuff!

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bestwriter wrote on January 4, 2015, 8:08 AM

There seems to be no connection between whatever you have observed. It would be interesting to know how your mind works sometimes. emoticon :grin:

Madcanman wrote on January 4, 2015, 8:19 AM

Ahh, what a great early morning read, Ali! I especially love . I've been in that same position before. Very funny!!!

maxeen wrote on January 4, 2015, 8:20 AM

I am paranoid about running out of loo rolls this place is full of every kind that was ever made.

nbaquero wrote on January 4, 2015, 8:21 AM

&AlyCanary Hilarious, you have done it again. Thanks for the french lesson, and for revealing you have super powers (#9) , LOL (#4).

scheng1 wrote on January 4, 2015, 8:53 AM

I wonder if anyone can start a blog for people who are searching for curses.

MegL wrote on January 4, 2015, 9:12 AM

Gosh, I think you've hit on it - that special enzyme in cat sick? THAT'S why no one else seems to see it!

Vivenda wrote on January 4, 2015, 9:27 AM

I really enjoyed these - and I needed a laugh, because outside is British weather at its most depressing!

WordChazer wrote on January 4, 2015, 10:28 AM

Numbers 7. and 9. are the word of truth.

Kasman wrote on January 4, 2015, 12:35 PM

Regarding your number 4 I'm wondering how voice recognition software handles swear words?

AliCanary wrote on January 4, 2015, 4:12 PM

Number 9 seems to be the favorite, here. It's amazing how easily *some* things can be ignored :)

AliCanary wrote on January 4, 2015, 4:26 PM

Ha ha! I have a whole load of them on the back of the toilet, and another fairly large stock in a closet nearby.

AliCanary wrote on January 4, 2015, 4:29 PM

It seems to default to them, hilariously--my insurance agent can't get his phone to realize that he is saying "bench"--his Southern accent is so string that the phone automatically transliterates the word as "b*tch". He made me say "bench", and it knew exactly what I was saying, allowing me to tease him mercilessly!

AliCanary wrote on January 4, 2015, 9:35 PM

Well, that's not exactly how it's pronounced--I was just making a dumb-stuff-related joke, lol

nbaquero wrote on January 5, 2015, 5:17 AM

I know, I was trying being funny too, but I guess that is not my forté emoticon :sad: Ha Ha just kidding here is the emoticon :smile:

AliCanary wrote on January 5, 2015, 8:32 AM

LOL, there are some pretty creative curses out there; might be a thing.

paigea wrote on January 5, 2015, 1:04 PM

I am the only one who can see dust, so I get those ones. lol

GemOfAGirl wrote on January 15, 2015, 1:04 PM

I keep a decorative basket on the back of my commode that contains two rolls, and I replace the roll in the basket whenever I use one. I think the roll in the bottom of the basket must be seven years old by now, since I keep replacing the one at the top. I hope it doesn't fall apart if it ever has to be used in the case of a horrifying dysentery emergency!

AliCanary wrote on January 15, 2015, 1:24 PM

Laughing at "horrifying dysentery emergency", although I'm sure I shouldn't.

GemOfAGirl wrote on January 22, 2015, 12:09 AM

I saw them live at The Troubadour. They totally rocked it. LOL....

valmnz wrote on February 2, 2015, 7:01 PM

I keep buying all kinds of things, just in case I run out. Then when I finally realise I have enough I forget they won't last forever.

iwrite28 wrote on June 26, 2015, 8:24 AM

1, 2, 3, and 4 are as hilarious as they are true. is a curse that some people (mostly mothers) have.

DWDavisRSL wrote on July 23, 2015, 9:37 AM

Then again, that could be a very frightening voyage into the unknowable. emoticon :smile:

DWDavisRSL wrote on July 23, 2015, 9:41 AM

Item is great advice and it took my wife only 2 experiences of buying a cheaper shredder that wasn't up to the task before she relented and let me get the one I thought we should have. Years later and it still works. As to Item , you know I had to go and look up the etymology on that. My favorite explanation involves Hiram Codd, his circa 1870s carbonated soft drinks and a slang word for beer.

AliCanary wrote on July 23, 2015, 12:17 PM

Yep, I posted this same question on Facebook, and I was really just being facetious, but one of my friends did the research and informed me that codswollop was "fake beer'! So now we know.