He Stuck His Tongue Where?
Minutes before I needed to leave the house to take a friend to an appointment, my husband called from his workplace.
"You'll never believe what happened this morning."
My husband works as a security officer at a large hospital complex. He has seen many odd things during his 23 years. So when he opens with a comment like that, I figured I had to listen. It was bound to be interesting.
"You remember that metal sculpture in front of the rehabilitation center?"
Yes, I did. The statue is of a woman, a man, and their family of three, all holding hands, all nude. The youngest male child is upside down and aloft in the air above the man and woman's heads. It is as if they tossed him up in the air to amuse him.
"You won't believe this but some kid got his tongue stuck on that statue. His sisters were with him."
I had just watched 'A Christmas Story,' the one with Peter Billingsley. How many kids have followed the lead of Ralphie's classmate Flick and licked a metal pole in sub-zero temperatures just to see if the same thing happens to them? I figured this was just another stupid kid story but this one came with a twist.
"So? Listen, I have to go. Is that all?"
"He put his tongue on the man's butt and got it stuck."
I couldn't help the image that came into my mind.
After I laughed for a few seconds I asked, "What did you do?"
"I sent someone to get a cup of warm water so I could unstick him. No sense getting the ambulance for something like that."
Later that day when my husband got home, he filled me in on more of what transpired that day. The boy was perhaps six or seven years old. The mother was waiting at the bus stop and letting her children play pretty much unsupervised. She was not happy her son did what he did. The kid's tongue was stuck almost in the center of the statue's derriere.
For the rest of the day after my husband freed the kid's tongue, every time one of the registration desk attendants saw my husband, she burst out laughing. She was the one who told him that no less than four custodians were dispatched to the scene to clean the statue, head to bare toes.
I asked him, "Did you take a picture?" He frowned at me and answered, "That's about the hundredth time I've been asked that. No, I didn't."
"Too bad," I replied. "You could have sold it to the local paper."
Thankfully, my husband was not required to write an incident report. I don't think he would have known how to describe it.
Somewhere in the city where my husband works a young boy has learned an important lesson. A moist tongue will indeed stick to metal if the temperature is cold enough. And never stick your tongue in a potentially embarrassing place.
Sorry, no photo available.