The path that we follow
At times lately, I find myself wallowing in misery. I do a good job hiding it. My kids don't even notice and that is how I intend to keep it. It's not like I find no reasons to smile or laugh. I can appreciate the beauty in life. I can realize the good in my life, but sometimes the stress, anxiety, the uncertainty of things gets me down. It feels crushing, like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
There are moments I wonder if I would feel the way I feel today had things ended up differently between my ex boyfriend and I. He and I were evenly matched, but he didn't think he was good enough and his sister did not like me and preyed on his insecurities, convincing him to dump me. His other sister, the one who was my friend and still is (now that I found them all again), she and the rest of their family always made me feel welcome.Even after all this time, they make me feel like a part of the family (except that one sister who still seems to hate me LOL). I did not try hard to get him to re-establish our relationships for two reasons: one - I was an insecure teen myself and thought perhaps because he was older he thought I was too baby-ish for him and two - I was semi-confident that we would end up back together and that it was just a matter of time since I was still always with his family.
Somehow, life had different ideas for us. Literally from one day to the next, they were gone. Their parents up and moved them and this was before the internet was that big of a deal, I had only just gotten an email address. I did not have his. Neither he or I had a beeper/pager. They were just gone and I was alone. According to he, his sister (my friend) and their mother - they came to my door a few months later, but by then my mom, brother and I had moved away as well and my grandma was still in the same building but in a different apartment. She would have never forwarded any message from a boy anyway.
The best thing to come of us going different paths is my son and my daughter. I am a firm believer that children are who they are because of their parents and the time they are born. Had my ex and I remained together, Alexander and Olivia wouldn't exist. They are an integral part of me and I cannot imagine life without them.
Image Credit » I took it myself. My children.