I lied to avoid confrontation tonight but owned up to it eventually.
I have been avoiding one of my two sisters for a variety of reasons. She is filled with drama and very self centered. I love and adore her but I have a lot of issues right now and all she wants to talk about are HER issues and HER problems and says she needs my advice. She is older than me by 15 years and could be my mother but instead wants me to mother her.
She knew I was avoiding her and wrote me on Facebook basically telling me she needed me because of issues A, B, G, H and the rest of the alphabet. She needed my advice and could I please not be mad at her. She basically abandoned me when my husband was in a near fatal accident in July. We had no vehicle for two months. He was severely injured. I couldn't get anywhere and we both had a lot of appointments. My son had to take time off of work and haul us around. My younger sister was amazing. She made us dinners and she and her husband offered to take us anywhere we needed to go. So supportive! My older one sent a card with a small gift card to WalMart in it two weeks after the accident. No idea exactly why but it was easy. She lives at WalMart practically.
Anyway, I have been having a lot of health issues. Scary ones. I haven't gone out anywhere but to doctor's appointments in ages. Tonight, my younger sister and I decided to go shopping and then to dinner. It was great to get out although I did have a slight issue in the store with my heart racing badly due to low blood sugar, the steroids I am taking, my heart rhythm disorder, anxiety or who on earth knows. I recovered and we had a nice diner.
My younger sister looked up and said, "We're dead." I thought she saw a group of masked gunmen walk in. But it was worse. Our sister had come to the same place and was standing mere yards away from us. You see, our sister is paranoid and she goes crazy if my younger (by 5 years) sister and I do things together without inviting her. But sometimes we don't want the hassle that is associated with all three of us going and the drama that ensues. We had to think fast. We called our older sister who was in the restaurant now in a booth feet away but had not seen us and told her that we were trying to get a hold of her. We said we wanted her to come to where we were and grab a bite to eat but we couldn't get in touch. Oh yes, we lied. we HAD to. Her wrath is much worse than sinning. Plus God knew we were trying to spare her feelings.
Finally, I just got up and walked over to her. She was there with a male friend she hangs out with that she says bores her but he pays for everything when they go places. She wasn't pleased, didn't believe we wanted her to go with us, said we conspired against her and well, she was right. I felt like poop.
After talking for a while, I explained exactly why I have been upset with her and I said I loved her and didn't want this distance but it can't always be about her. Sometimes *I* need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to me and a few words of encouragement too!
She started to tell me about how sick she has been and how awful her life is. Same ole same ole. Never asked me how I was doing nor how my husband, who just returned to work this week after the car accident, was.
But I love her and I will put up with her self centeredness because of it. I wish so much she was more of a mother figure since our mom died young in 1996. But she isn't and won't be and that's that. She wants pity, attention, and only to talk about her woes.
Seeing her tonight though did remind me that we had some amazing times in the past and that I do love her. I willingly took on the role of advisor with her years ago and she gratefully accepted my advice although she is wise and older and knows right from wrong. So we all hugged and promised to get together on Halloween after the kids do their thing (My younger sister still has two teens. My kids are 24 and 28 so they don't factor in but my older sister has four grandkids) and sit down and talk somewhere. It will involve food. She LOVES her food!
I guess this was for the best. You can't hide from what is bothering you. Confronting it is best. I will talk, she will interrupt, I will try to explain, she will tell me how awful her life is and she wishes I knew how it felt and I will sigh and remember she is my blood, my sister. And it will all be OK.
Image Credit » Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com