I Won't Go Back
He asked me again if I am going to come back. I said NO. I saw him on Skype. It is difficult to live alone, he said. I don't know what I am going to do. If stay in this rented appartment or purchase an appartment or move to a retirement residence. But you are going to come if somenthing happens to me, right? Only if something really bad happens to you, I answered. If someone calls you and says I am in the hospital? No, by the time I would get there you would have been discharged. It is a very long trip, you know that. So, you won't come. No. If I move to Chilliwack would you come to help me move? no. You said before that it is not worthed to pay for moving all those things without value. Just get rid of them like we did so many times.
He didn't mention feelings, change, or anything that a smart person trying to get me back would have. He just said things about him: he is alone, it is not easy to live alone, to have to do everything, cleaning, cooking, filling paper forms when needed, doing banking and more. I did a lot more than that. He just did most of the grocery shopping and took out the garbage.
As I said in the previous paragraph he didn't mention feelings or said let's get help, I want to change. Even if he had said it I wouldn't have trusted he would do it. He just said: you left me alone when I am almost 70. As to make me feel guilty. I am trying not to feel guilty. I am not guilty. If I was so valuable to him, why did he treat me so bad? Now he is worried about dying alone. Living his old age and dying alone. He is not close to his brothers and sisters and won't try to get close. It is the way he is. We were isolated from family and had no friends. We lived alone, just the two of us. I visited my family not very often, but kept a close relationship with my sister and she is helping me now.
Image Credit » I took the picture.