By in Personal

I Won't Go Back

He asked me again if I am going to come back. I said NO. I saw him on Skype. It is difficult to live alone, he said. I don't know what I am going to do. If stay in this rented appartment or purchase an appartment or move to a retirement residence. But you are going to come if somenthing happens to me, right? Only if something really bad happens to you, I answered. If someone calls you and says I am in the hospital? No, by the time I would get there you would have been discharged. It is a very long trip, you know that. So, you won't come. No. If I move to Chilliwack would you come to help me move? no. You said before that it is not worthed to pay for moving all those things without value. Just get rid of them like we did so many times.

He didn't mention feelings, change, or anything that a smart person trying to get me back would have. He just said things about him: he is alone, it is not easy to live alone, to have to do everything, cleaning, cooking, filling paper forms when needed, doing banking and more. I did a lot more than that. He just did most of the grocery shopping and took out the garbage.



As I said in the previous paragraph he didn't mention feelings or said let's get help, I want to change. Even if he had said it I wouldn't have trusted he would do it. He just said: you left me alone when I am almost 70. As to make me feel guilty. I am trying not to feel guilty. I am not guilty. If I was so valuable to him, why did he treat me so bad? Now he is worried about dying alone. Living his old age and dying alone. He is not close to his brothers and sisters and won't try to get close. It is the way he is. We were isolated from family and had no friends. We lived alone, just the two of us. I visited my family not very often, but kept a close relationship with my sister and she is helping me now.




Image Credit » I took the picture.

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Comments

LoudMan wrote on September 13, 2014, 9:20 AM

Sometimes, love alone, just isn't enough. To end a bad relationship near 70 (I'm guessing based on what you wrote) this takes real guts. I'm sure he has his side of things too. But, you gotta take care of you.

MegL wrote on September 13, 2014, 9:28 AM

Yes, sometimes people don't really believe you when you say things are going to change so often they have not. Now you have to stick with it.

allen0187 wrote on September 13, 2014, 9:43 AM

Stick to your decision. You didn't reach that decision overnight. Sometimes, one needs to look after one's self to find love.

cmarieweber wrote on September 14, 2014, 11:24 AM

I think you made a good choice not going back. At some point in life we have to worry about ourselves, and that little guilt trip he gave you is a manipulation tactic. Don't let him make you feel guilty. He's grown and he is not your responsibility.

Tuffy06 wrote on September 15, 2014, 1:21 AM

It is sometimes difficult to be firm especially if you tend to be emotional.

Feisty56 wrote on July 26, 2015, 10:28 PM

It's been nearly a year since you wrote this post. I'm wondering -- and hoping -- that you are in a better place mentally and emotionally now. Maybe you'll write a new post so we can learn how life is for you now. : )

CoralLevang wrote on July 27, 2015, 6:44 AM

nomore Reading this, I have felt what you described. I also know others who have, as well. I hope that you are doing well/better now. Know that there are those of us who have a sense of understanding.