By in Humor

"Helpful" Life Tips

Let's remember where this article is posted emoticon :smile:

1. Never apologize. Do not apologize whatever it is you did. Why? People will think you are weak. So stand by what you did and look them straight in the eye and say "That's how I roll." then wink at them.

2. You're in a public transport and don't want anyone to sit next to you? When you see someone approaching, look them straight in the eye while licking your lips. Then gently tap the seat and make hyperventilating noises.

*Do this to every person eyeing your seat.

*Using this technique can get you arrested so be careful and it will not work if you're good looking.

3. You see someone being shy? Approach them and make fun of him. People will look at him and he will be popular thanks to you.

4. When referring to something call it with its alternate or scientific name. People will think you're smart.

Ex. When complimenting a stranger's dog. "Your Canis lupis familiaris is so adorable."

* Talking in a British accent is a plus.

5. Order a Starbucks drink and sit near a window. Stay there for an hour or so and people will look at you in awe as you drink your expensive coffee.

*Buy their T-shirts too and wear them in public often.

6. You can do anything thing you desire by telling them the right reason.

Ex. Run around in public naked. If people tried to stop you say you need it for research or for science or something.

7. When farting in public quickly point at a stranger and politely reprimand them. In other words, blame others.

Ex. "Sir/Madam releasing your gas in public is quite innappropriate so please avoid to do it again. No. No. You don't have to deny it. We're not angry but please be mindful next time."

*Be careful who to blame as you might get into a physical confrontation. As much as possible blame a kid.

8. Driving drunk at night? Turn off your headlights so the cops won't see you.

*YOLO

9. Be attractive

10. Don't be unattractive.

Image credit: http://stephanielie.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/life2.jpg


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Comments

ella-romao wrote on May 28, 2014, 7:33 AM

haha, I like the sense of humor of this thing here, but hmmm do you think this is really a "helpful" life tip?... hahaha...anyways, keep it up dear. emoticon :smile:

momathome wrote on May 28, 2014, 9:10 AM

I love starting my day with a good laugh! Thanks for giving me a great reason to do so this morning! lol

MaeLou wrote on May 28, 2014, 10:13 AM

Haha! is hilarious.

elitecodex wrote on May 28, 2014, 11:03 PM

What would happen if backfired? That would be awkward... how far would you go? I suppose you could pull out and then they will just think you are nuts :D

hipsterpadawan wrote on May 29, 2014, 1:15 AM

Ahaha it was meant to be sarcastic :)

allen0187 wrote on July 10, 2014, 8:04 PM

Too funny!

GemOfAGirl wrote on December 18, 2014, 11:11 PM

LOL. I must not be doing correctly. I keep ticking people off and my nephew is calling me a "know-it-all" in an uncomplimentary tone of voice.