By in Health & Fitness

The Process of Forgiveness

Learning to forgive has often been a challenge for me. For years I struggled with it. It wasn't that I didn't want to forgive, I just couldn't figure out how to do it. Every article or book I read on the subject focused on 'why' you should forgive, and how important it was to your mental and physical health. Yet, not one article ever said 'how' you go about forgiving. I could tell myself that I forgave someone, focus on their good qualities, tell myself that I released all anger, hurt and unforgiveness towards them, only to feel the old sting of hurt and anger rise up again. Sometimes within days or many years later.

Then it dawned on me that forgiving wasn't simply wanting and telling myself I had forgiven someone, it was a process. A process that doesn't happen overnight, but one that takes time. Its like taking one step forward and two back. If I work through the hurt when it comes up and accept it as something that was done that can't be undone, I'm better able to let it go. Forgiving doesn't mean we condone or agree with what another has done to hurt us, it means that we are willing to no longer allow it to hurt, control, or anger us. Just because someone isn't sorry for what they have done, doesn't mean I can't forgive them. Grudges hurt only the grudge holder.

Forgiving can be simple or hard depending on the intensity of hurt done to us. Once I realized it was a process that took time and effort it soon became easier.

What about you, have you ever had a hard time forgiving someone?

*#Forgiving *#Health


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Comments

Kasman wrote on August 31, 2014, 4:08 PM

Some things take longer to forgive than others and although I may forgive I don't forget - do it again and that person is history.

MegL wrote on August 31, 2014, 4:39 PM

Yes, forgiving was very hard to learn. But you are right, holding a grudge only hurts oneself. It also wastes time and energy but it's hard to do.

melody23 wrote on August 31, 2014, 4:43 PM

I have a terrible time forgiving my father for all the awful things he does, but that is probably because he keeps doing them. In general I think I am quite forgiving though, I think you are right that it is a process and it definitely depends on how hurt you were by whatever it is you are trying to forgive.

Feisty56 wrote on August 31, 2014, 8:03 PM

You are so right -- forgiving is a process, particularly when the wound is deep or longstanding. There are still some issues that I am working toward forgiveness. Self-forgiveness can be just as challenging, if not more so, than forgiving another person.

brown-paw wrote on August 31, 2014, 8:06 PM

They say forgive and forget. But sometimes it is hard to forget! LOL . . Some people do not say sorry at all even if they are the ones who are wrong. If found I was wrong, I always say sorry. It is a gentleman way to say sorry.

Ellis wrote on August 31, 2014, 8:13 PM

Everyone gets hurt at sometime...the question is whether that hurt was inflicted intentionally or accidentally...

paigea wrote on September 1, 2014, 3:51 PM

I've had a hard time forgiving, and it took a really long time and really just life's events to fill me up and move me on from that past hurt